Dangerously in Love
by toybembry
Summary: Olivia finds herself playing with fire when she falls in love with two people. Final Chapter up!
1. A Day at The Park

Woo-Hoo, second story! Thanks to everyone who read Bad Girl. So this story I am working on completely from scratch and I'm not quite sure where I want to go with it, but we'll see. The idea is that Olivia falls in love and has affairs with both Elliot AND Alex. Elliot is still married, Olivia is straight, and Alex is in the closet. Lots of angst, lots of naughtiness, but my intent is for a real love story, with just some smut thrown in. Once again, the story is named after a song.

And yes, I don't own any of these characters. But let me tell you what I could do with my own Stabler…

Dangerously in Love 

A Day at the Park

_One, two, one, two, one, two, one…_Olivia kept up a steady pace as she rounded a corner in her bright blue jumpsuit. It was early spring in Battery Park, and the New York City residents were taking full advantage of the crisp, yet sunny, weather. Olivia jogged past mothers with their strollers, bird watchers with their binoculars and a group of kids playing touch football.

Olivia enjoyed Saturday mornings like these. They provided her a perfect opportunity to unwind from her busy week at work. She also took advantage of the time for some inner reflection. Sometimes it was a case and its leads or lack thereof, sometimes it was trivial matters like getting a haircut or changing manicurists. Other times, like today, it was deeper, centered around what Olivia wanted out of life, where she wanted to go, who she wanted to be.

Her career was her lifeline. While she took heavy criticism for taking the cases and its victims too seriously, she couldn't imagine doing anything else. Some people had a calling, a higher power that decided their true lot in life. And for her, that was a Special Victims Unit detective.

No, her career wasn't the source of her unrest she decided, as she absently wiped the sweat from her forehead. It was her personal life that needed a jumpstart. More than anything, Olivia Benson wanted a family. A husband, two or three kids, the dog and the white picket fence. The whole nine yards. She was painfully aware of the fact that time was running out for her. A date here, two dates there…Olivia hadn't found the man of her dreams yet and she was starting to feel the cold beginnings of failure.

Then there was that little dark secret that both frightened and excited her. Olivia Benson had a somewhat insatiable appetite for sex. She controlled it, skillfully, but it was still a source of mystery for her. She thought about sex a lot. Was it normal for a woman to have such cravings? Or was it something more sinister, another seed of violence and destruction courtesy of her mother's rapist? A husband would certainly help with the amount of sex she would receive on a daily basis. She shook her head clear of these thoughts.

_One, two, one, two, one two. _Olivia finally slowed to a walk. Six miles, she thought, satisfied. She bent down to tie her shoes when she spotted her. Across the pond, Alex Cabot was perched on a park bench, her nose wedged between the pages of a novel.

Olivia smiled and trotted over to the bench. The gorgeous blonde was so engrossed in her book, she didn't notice Olivia's sudden appearance.

"Hey, what you reading?" Olivia asked in a friendly tone.

The ADA looked up, startled. Her glasses slid halfway down her nose and she nervously pushed them back. She was surprised to see a smiling Olivia towering over her. Alex felt a blush start to creep up her neck.

"Hi…hi!" she replied, a little too loudly. She winced. Get a grip, Alexandra, she chided herself. "What a coincidence meeting you here."

Olivia laughed and took a seat next to Alex. Alex felt a quick flutter in the pit of her stomach as she watched Olivia stretch out her legs. "I try to get out and go for a run on the weekends," she replied in explanation. "You were pretty focused on your book. Which one is it?"

"Oh…it's _A Million Little Pieces…_it's a memoir about this guy who went through a devastating drug addiction and pulled himself through…it's interesting."

Olivia smiled. Alex couldn't remember her smiling so easily. But then again, she was used to seeing her during the course of an investigation, where sadists and perverts were the topic of discussion. "Sounds good," she said. "I've never really been into reading…too restless I guess."

"Oh, it's my passion," Alex said, her face lighting up as she tugged on her salmon polo shirt. "I think that's what introduced me to the law. Research. The rest just fell into place. But it's still nice to read some fun stuff in my spare time."

Olivia stood up. "Don't let me interrupt your passion any more counselor," she joked. "See you soon."

"Take care Olivia," Alex said, watching her jog out of sight.

XXXXXXXX

"Dickie…Dickie!" Elliot called, sternly. "Okay, come here you two."

He watched as his twins scrambled up to him. The gift of fatherhood always amazed him. He created these two wonderful beings, he thought proudly. Not that it helped his present irritation.

"Dickie, Elizabeth was wide open, why did you take the shot?" He and his two youngest kids were playing basketball at nearby Astoria Park, close to their home in Queens. Kathy had taken Maureen and Kathleen shopping earlier in the day.

"She sucks," Dickie complained.

"No I don't butthead," Elizabeth shot back.

"Okay, okay," he cut in. "Dickie, Lizzie was wide open. Next time, pass the ball, I didn't teach you to be a ball hog."

"Need some help?"

Elliot looked over at the gate and saw Olivia standing there. He smiled and waved the beautiful woman over. He had invited her over to play ball with them, and he was rather happy to see her.

"I'm getting killed here, yeah I could use the help," Elliot grumbled good naturedly. The kids shouted and ran over, throwing themselves onto Olivia. Her laughter sounded like harps music to Elliot's ears.

"Livia, be on my team," Elizabeth said.

"Let's show these boys what's up."

The foursome enjoyed a fast paced pick up game, Elliot and Dickie taking the prize by six points. Elliot sent the kids off to get snacks while he and Olivia recuperated on a nearby bench.

"How was your run this morning?" He knew her Saturday morning routine.

"Just lovely, clocked in at six miles," she said. He whistled, causing her to laugh. She knew her partner was in excellent shape and could have easily doubled that. "But guess who I ran into? Cabot."

Elliot nodded. "The Ice Queen? What was she doing? Plotting out her global takeover?"

Olivia laughed and shook her head. "Why do you always call her that? She's such a sweet woman."

Elliot chuckled. "No, she is," he interjected, "just sweet in that ball busting way. But I like her, she just strikes me as cold sometimes."

"You're hopeless. She was reading a book, in case you were wondering."

They fell into a comfortable silence. They had been partners for five years and the chemistry between them was almost palpable at times. Olivia would be lying if she said she didn't occasionally think of him "in that way." But he had a beautiful wife and four even more beautiful children that he was fiercely loyal to. She would never do anything to jeopardize that. Never.


	2. Secrets

**Secrets **

Alex slid into the booth, irritated as all hell. The place was crowded and noisy, a favorite hang out for attorneys and police officers. Which was the secondary source of her irritation.

Her primary source sat across from her in the booth. The woman smiled seductively, as she blew a puff of cigarette smoke into the air. "You're late, Miss Cabot," she chided lightly. A hand with perfect manicured red fingernails slid across the table and reached for Alex's.

She pulled back her hand as if she had been stung. Damn her. "Why in the world did you pick this place?" Alex hissed. Her eyes darted around, taking in the patrons. Amazingly, Alex only knew about two people by sight.

Pamela laughed. She was a sexy woman by all standards, short and petite, with jet black hair that was shocking against her pale skin and bright blue eyes. Her lips were full and always quick to smile wickedly or curl into a snarl. It was that damn mouth that Alex had fallen in love with.

"It's times like these when I don't miss you Lexie."

Alex sat back and closed her eyes. The two women had shared a tumultuous two years together, a roller coaster ride that at its peak left Alex feeling breathless and revitalized and at its drop feeling like the depths of despair were threatening to swallow her whole. They had finally broken it off when Alex had refused to move in with her.

"Give me the money and go on your way Pam," she snapped. Alex had loaned Pam $3,000 for a real estate deal. She had only agreed to this meeting to receive payment. Pam insisted they meet in person

Pam extracted an envelope out of her purse and slipped it across the table. Alex pocketed it in her own without counting the bills. "We done here?"

Pam smirked, covering her hurt. She was a prideful woman, not adept at showing her true feelings. Much like Alex in that way. "We look like two drug dealers instead of ex lovers," she said loudly.

Alex gave her the stare. She knew Pam would never accept the fact that Alex could not expose her sexuality to her colleagues, not even in New York. It was career suicide, a risk she was not willing to take for anyone.

Alex first knew she was a lesbian around the age of eight. It was then that she made Susan Lemmon from across the street her girlfriend and kissed her at every opportunity. That was until her dad got wind of it and gave her the beating of her young life and forbade her from ever hanging out with little Susan again. Growing up in Texas, you just weren't gay. You just_ weren't._

"Are you seeing anyone right now?" Pam asked quietly, refusing to look Alex in the face. Alex thought of Olivia then, but stopped that thought immediately. _Yeah, right._

"No," she answered truthfully. It was then that she caught sight of Elliot, Olivia and Fin entering the joint. _Shit._

Pam noticed her preoccupation and turned towards the door. Fin spotted the two women and nudged Elliot and Olivia. The three detectives sauntered over to Cabot's table.

Pam settled a look on Alex. "Friends of yours?" she asked innocently.

"Hey there counselor, it seems I run into you everywhere," Olivia said by way of greeting. Elliot and Fin echoed their hellos.

"Hi guys, working on a case?" Alex asked brightly.

"Just taking a breather, taking a breather," Fin replied. "Sorry to interrupt."

"No!" All four of them jumped. Pam rolled her eyes. "No," Alex said in a calmer tone, "you're not interrupting. This is my cousin Pamela."

The three detectives turned their attention to the stunning woman and introduced themselves. Pam graciously accepted them before turning to Alex and staring at her as if she had grown a second head. Elliot cleared his throat.

"It was nice seeing you Alex," he said. This woman just gets weirder and weirder, he thought.

"Yes, okay."

"Your cousin?" Pam asked in disgust after the three detectives moved away to their own table. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I told you I couldn't meet here," Alex shot back, by way of explanation.

Pam gathered her belongings. "Alex, I can't tell you how to live your life, but I'll tell you this: Your life is nothing but a lie. It's time you finally stood up and recognized yourself for who you are."

"I know who I am," she said indignantly.

"No, you don't," she countered standing. "You can't hide forever. And Daddy can't rule you forever. Once you admit to your sexuality, you'll be a happier and better person for it. Trust me." She stalked out, leaving Alex at a loss for words.

XXXXXXX

"Her cousin was hot," Fin said appreciatively. They were back at the house, poring over the board.

These two victims have got to connect somehow, Olivia thought as she stared at the board, besides the fact that they were enrolled in the same camp. She vaguely heard Fin.

"I don't think she was her cousin, but yeah she was hot," Elliot agreed, spinning in his chair. Olivia snapped to attention. She had been irritable after lunch for reasons she couldn't explain and hearing Elliot mention Pamela annoyed her further.

"Who cares who she is? Someone tell me how Tina and Gloria are connected."

Elliot craned his neck back to look at her. Was that a hint of jealousy in her tone? But Fin wasn't ready to drop it.

"Why would she lie about the woman being her cousin?"

Elliot focused his attention back on Fin. "Because the Pamela woman looked like she had just eaten a frog when she heard those words come out of Cabot's mouth. That and the fact that Cabot is a pretty adept liar, being an ADA and all, and yet she couldn't lie her way out of a paper bag on that one."

Olivia whirled around, huffed. "Can I interest you two in some police work?" she snapped.

Fin rolled his eyes. Benson was on another one of her self-righteous kicks. "You two going to handle the undercover on this one?"

Elliot nodded. "Just waiting on the Captain," he said. They had two dead bodies, both women raped. The investigation had led them to a couple's counseling camp, Pine Hills, that both women had attended with their spouses. Munch and Fin had interviewed all the camp officials and had narrowed the "persons of interest" to the camp's head official and a counselor. The plan was to send Olivia and Elliot undercover as a squabbling couple to ferret out more clues.

"Wait no longer," Captain Cragen announced as he swept into the room, Munch trailing along. "Meet Mr. Sean Hathaway and his wife Aundrea," he announced. He passed a packet of credentials to each detective. "Learn it, live it, love it, but most of all, blend in as best you can. The next cycle of the camp starts on Friday night and concludes on Tuesday morning. Until then, Munch and Fin, you guys see what you can come up on the forensic end, Elliot and Olivia practice your stories."

Elliot winked at Olivia. "Get your ass over here woman," he growled. "Why isn't my dinner ready?" Olivia gave him her best scowl before collapsing into giggles. What man besides Elliot could make her giggle?

"Stop laughing," Elliot said, chuckling himself. "We're supposed to be having problems."

"That shouldn't be too hard, I'll just relate back to one of the many times you've pissed me off."

Olivia, or Aundrea, as his wife, Elliot thought. This should be interesting.


	3. In The Midnight Hour

**In the Midnight Hour**

The house was quiet much to Elliot's delight. The kids were tucked in for the night and he and Kathy were sprawled on the couch watching Jay Leno run through the "Jaywalk All Stars."

"You want some more chips?" Elliot asked, mouth full of the last ones from the bowl. Kathy was silent. "Babe?"

"So when is this undercover thing supposed to go down?" Kathy asked. Elliot, caught off guard, looked over at his wife. She was staring at the screen, a calm set to her features. He wasn't sure if he had heard right.

"Uh…I leave on Friday…I'll be back on Tuesday," he answered.

"Elizabeth wants to go to the zoo that day and take a couple of friends. I was hoping you could take them."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "…What have you got going on?"

Kathy shifted uncomfortably. "Nothing, I just thought it would be nice if you went, that's all."

Elliot half smiled. "Kathy…what is all this about?"

Kathy turned to him. "Maybe, I'm just a little miffed about the assignment itself," she admitted ruefully.

Elliot nodded slowly, understanding. "Liv is my partner Kat. You know that. It's just acting, nothing more, nothing less."

"Well, I would prefer it if you did your acting with someone who didn't look like her," she complained. She was being ridiculous and she knew it. Olivia had been nothing but nice and sweet to her for as long as she'd known her, but Kathy Stabler was a jealous woman by nature. She just did not like the idea of her husband spending a long weekend with a supermodel. A single supermodel at that.

Elliot reached for his wife, enveloping her in a tight embrace. Kathy rested her head on his chest and instantly felt guilty.

"Should I run through the script, or do you have it by now?"

Kathy sighed. "No, I know better," she admitted. "I'm sorry Elliot, sometimes I just can't help it sometimes…that world is only known to you. Maybe if you talked to me more about it-"

"No," he said forcefully, cutting her off. "My job is to protect you and the kids from that world. It's my burden to bear and mine alone."

Kathy let the subject rest. But it did nothing to calm her fears, irrational as they may be.

XXXXXXX

Olivia was in the throes of passion. She reached behind her and grabbed the headboard for support as her suitor increased his rhythm to keep up with Olivia's frantic moans.

"You are soooooo sexy," he panted.

"Yes…" What was his name? Oh yes, Ryan. "Yes, Ryan, yes, don't stop."

A few more minutes of harried pumping and the two collapsed together on the bed, breathless and sweaty. Ryan extracted himself from Olivia's limbs and pushed off the bed. Her eyes closed, she heard him head into the bathroom and shut the door.

She saw the guy every morning at the newsstand where she picked up her paper before work. He worked at the deli next door and they greeted each other every morning, exchanged a few pleasantries, then went on their way. It wasn't until today when Olivia decided to act on his many veiled looks and invite him home with her. She had been a good girl for quite sometime now, but after a while her fierce control needed a break. He was available and that was good enough for her.

She heard movement and opened her eyes. She was pleased to see that Ryan had already pulled on his pants. He knew the rules of one night stands.

"Can I walk you out?" she asked lazily.

Ryan smiled. He really was a handsome man. "No, I got it. This was fun. Keep me in mind for next time."

"Of course," Olivia said. Not a bad idea. Again, he was available.

After Ryan left, Olivia took a shower and got dressed. She felt restless and decided to throw in some extra hours at the office. If she and Elliot were going to be out of commission for four days, she wanted to make sure she was caught up on some other items that needed attention. She locked up her apartment and walked the brisk three blocks to the subway station.

Once inside the precinct, she ran smack into Alex. Alex, who had been holding a stack of files, failed to save them before they scattered all over the floor.

"Oh Alex, I'm so sorry," Olivia said embarrassed, squatting down to help Alex gather the files.

"Oh, it's okay," Alex assured her, trying to make neat piles. "I wasn't watching where I was going. What are you doing here so late detective?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Olivia stood up and handed her the last file. The first word that popped into her mind was statuesque. Yes, that would be accurate. Alex Cabot had a nearly perfect body and stature. "I wanted to catch up on some stuff before El and I went under."

"That's right the Pine Hills case," Alex nodded. "Cragen's burning the midnight oil as well, I just had a quick meeting with him. I'm in desperate need of some food though. Can I bring you anything back?

Olivia was about to decline when she thought a light snack would be good. "Tell you what, why don't I go with you? I can come back here later."

Alex was ridiculously pleased with Olivia's suggestion. She had a crush on the pretty detective ever since she took over the sex crimes post. Her recent break up with Pamela had her feeling a bit more vulnerable and open to distraction.

As the two women left the precinct and headed to the nearby diner, Alex couldn't help thinking she didn't really know what Olivia's orientation was. She knew she was single, but single from what? By all appearances she was straight, but there was a certain aura about Olivia that sent up red flags to Alex. The short haircut didn't help matters much either, but Olivia had been letting it grow out lately.

They settled into a booth and grabbed menus, talking about cases and other areas of mutual interest. Once their food arrived, they dug in. Uncharacteristically, Alex found herself trying to extract information from Olivia about her personal life. Might as well see just how hopeless this crush really was.

"So…do you find yourself working late a lot detective?" Alex asked innocently.

Olivia took a bite out of her toast. "This job owns me," she said, swallowing her mouthful. "Especially when we have a major case like the Pine Hills one. But I don't mind it. It keeps me out of trouble. How about you? Does your boyfriend mind that you come home so late?" Olivia smiled, a teasing glint in her eyes.

Alex smiled back. It was so easy to talk to this woman. "I'm sure he would if I had one…I'm not seeing anyone right now."

"Not even Langan?" Alex had gone on a few dates with defense attorney Trevor Langan. He had dropped by the D.A.'s office one afternoon and invited her out. She accepted for the sole fact that it helped to keep up appearances for her colleagues. After a few dates, the chemistry obviously wasn't there, but Alex had got what she wanted.

"No…he was too arrogant for my tastes," she answered, picking the lie out of the air. It occurred to her that she had no qualms about it. When you spent your entire life lying, it was as easy as breathing.

Olivia laughed. "That sounds like Langan," she agreed. "But, you have to admit he has to be the hottest defense attorney in the city."

Alex's smile faltered. Damn. "Well, there's Jason Whitaker too," she said hastily. "He's a hottie."

Olivia pursed her lips, searching her memory. "The lawyer for the Duvall family? Right! Damn…I don't know Trevor. I may have to pass."

Despite herself, Alex found herself laughing easily along with Olivia. She had such a beautiful personality and a way of making people feel at ease. That was why she was so good at working with sexual assault victims.

After they paid the bill, Olivia studied Alex. Olivia thought it was outrageous that such a smart and beautiful woman hadn't been snatched up yet. She liked the woman a lot. Olivia didn't have any real girlfriends so she was surprised how much she had enjoyed her company and how much the two of them had in common.

"We should do this again Alex," Olivia suggested. "Get together once a week and just talk."

Alex felt her insides starting to glow. "I would really like that Olivia," she said sincerely.


	4. Doctor's Orders

CHAPTER FOUR

Doctor's Orders 

Olivia surveyed their surroundings. She was standing in a large, lavishly decorated suite. Well, Pine Hills knew all about comfort, she thought, eyeing the plush couch and matching chairs. Although no expense had been spared, there was no television, radio or telephone. No means to keep contact with the outside world, she noted.

"The bathroom is bigger than Dickie's bedroom," Elliot announced moodily, emerging from the bathroom. He was still annoyed from his fight with Kathy before he left the house this morning. Even though they had dropped the matter a few nights ago, Kathy couldn't help questioning him on where he would sleep, where he would change, and oh yes, did he have to kiss her!.

"Hey, you ok?" Elliot had been quiet on the ride up, dismissing Olivia's attempts at tightening up their story.

"A lot on my mind," he answered. "Just trying to stay in character."

"Great," she muttered. A moody Stabler was anything but fun and she found herself not really looking forward to the days ahead.

Before they had left for the camp, Elliot and Olivia had listened in on Fin and Munch's findings after they had the daunting task of interviewing all of the couples who had attended the four day retreat.

"Nada, zip, bunkus," Munch said. He bunched up his paper and shot it expertly into the trash can. "Not one couple has any complaints about their time at Pine Hills. Each couple credits the counselors for saving their marriages."

"Nothing but smiley, happy people," agreed Fin.

Cragen digested this. "Are we barking up the wrong tree here people?"

Olivia pushed herself off of the desk and walked up to Cragen. "Captain, both of these women were killed during the times they were supposed to be at that camp with their husbands," Olivia said intensely. "There has to be a connection. Elliot and I need to get a feel for the place. If we don't find anything within the first two days, then pull us out."

Cragen stared at Olivia. He trusted her instincts. "Okay," he said. "Feel it out and report back."

That was earlier this morning. Elliot and Olivia had already gone through the black tie formal orientation with the rest of the campers. Dr. Reed Hanson and Camp Leader Drew Farrow introduced themselves and read off the rules of the camp. Campers were not allowed to socialize with each other outside of meal periods or scheduled social gatherings. Details of their sessions were to be kept private at all times, no exceptions. Each couple had to undergo a joint entrance interview so that the counselors could decide the best course of treatment for each couple's needs.

"Our entrance interview is first thing in the morning," Olivia said, reaching down to pull off her heels. "We should get some sleep."

"Yeah," Elliot paused when he noticed the bed. Shit, he can't sleep in the same bed with Olivia, his wife would have a coronary, he thought.

"Which side of the bed do you prefer?" he asked her, slowly pulling off his dinner jacket.

"Shouldn't you already know that Sean?" She said, eyeing him mischievously. Oh my, this man had a chest on him like no other she thought. And those abs… Olivia felt the beginnings of heat collecting in her privates and she staunchly clamped down on the feeling.

He chuckled in spite of himself. "That's right my dear Aundrea, take the left side." Oh the hell with Kathy, he had a job to do.

He slid between the cool sheets and closed his eyes while Olivia went into the bathroom to change. He opened his eyes when she stepped out and his sight went straight to her perky breasts outlined by the tank top she was wearing. That plus some comfy pajama bottoms made for pretty vanilla sleeping but Elliot could not help but think she still managed to look like a sex kitten.

Olivia had given herself a mental dressing down for the slip earlier. She was ready. She marched over to the left side, jumped into bed and hit the light.

"Night Elliot."

XXXXXXXX

"He always shuts me out," Olivia said tearfully. "I try to talk to him, but he never wants to hear it. How I am I suppose to know what's hurting him if he won't talk to me?"

"And she's too damn emotional," Elliot snapped. "I wish I could join hands with everyone and sing a round of Kumbayah, but I can't. I just can't. I wasn't raised that way."

"Sean, Aundrea," Dr. Hanson cooed, trying to calm the couple down. Olivia couldn't help thinking he looked just like Santa Claus… except in a $3,000 suit. "Communication is the first step to every successful union. Let's take this one step at a time okay?

Sean, Aundrea claims that you close off when she wants to talk to you. If you are hurting or upset, how do you think you can convey that to her if you won't speak to her about it? By ignoring her, you're saying that you don't care about her feelings and her wants."

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Apparently I do because I'm here aren't I? But that's how it is with her, she's so controlling it drives me insane. It has to be this way, it has to be that way…"

"In contrast, Aundrea, Sean feels that you are way too emotional," Hanson said, cutting him off. "You're overbearing and controlling. In order for him to feel comfortable talking to you, you have to take a step back."

Olivia sighed and crossed her arms, indignant.

Hanson consulted his notes. "Very well," he announced. "I think the necessary course of action here is to hold separate sessions with each of you for the remainder of the retreat."

Olivia and Elliot threw each other a confused look. "Doctor…" Olivia started, flabbergasted. "If our main problem is our method of communication, then please tell me how separate counseling sessions are going to help?"

Hanson smiled benignly. "Aundrea, we need to work on each delivery which requires us to break you down to your learned form of communication. In the end we will come together and see if we were successful. Doctor's orders. Session ended."

Olivia and Elliot quietly exited the doctor's office. Stepping out of earshot, Elliot turned to face Olivia. "Does that make any sense to you?"

"Utter bullshit," Olivia agreed. "Did you notice that no matter who he was speaking to, he always directed his attention towards you? I felt like I was being excluded for some reason."

Elliot nodded in deep thought. "I wonder how many of the other couples were ordered to have separate counseling sessions?"

Olivia picked up his line of reasoning. "And were Tina and Gloria apart of that group?"

"Points to ponder…" Elliot sang. "We need to get a look at their master files."


	5. The Woods

CHAPTER FIVE

**The Woods**

"So Sean," Dr. Hanson started. They were sitting in the office about to start Elliot's first session. "Who did you say referred you to our facility?"

Before Elliot and Olivia could be admitted to the camp, they had to be referred by a couple who had already gone through the program.

"Matt and Sheila Kellerman," Elliot answered automatically.

Hanson smiled. "Of course, of course, just checking," he answered quickly. "Alright, then. Let's get you on your way to being a happy man Sean. Tell me everything you don't like about your wife…everything you wish you could change to make her the ideal, perfect woman."

Elliot cocked his head to the side. "The perfect woman? Is that even possible?"

The doctor laughed. "Of course it is, thanks to our program. Why…that's why you are here is it not?"

Elliot felt uneasy. Where was he going with this? "Of course…and I'm sure my wife would want me to be the perfect man."

Hanson threw back his head and laughed heartily. "You are a funny man Sean," he chuckled. "The wants of women are not our concern here at Pine Hills."

"Yes, yes…that's what Matt said," Elliot replied quickly, following along. "I guess I just didn't believe it…but he and Sheila seem so happy."

"Let me give you the tour Sean," Hanson said standing up. "It is only right that you harbor some skepticism at first. Follow me. You will be amazed at just what we can do at Pine Hills."

XXXXXXX

"Damn it," Olivia cursed, grabbing her toe. She had just stubbed it on the bottom of the desk. She had snuck into the camp's administrative offices, successfully sneaking away from the mixer in the main ballroom. Olivia had found it odd that only the women were present at the event, the men suspiciously absent. Instead of trading recipes and make-up tips, Olivia had seized the opportunity to do a little snooping.

Olivia pulled open another cabinet, throwing a look over her shoulder. She had to be quick before she was caught. Thumbing through the files, she thought of Alex. What did a woman like Alex do on Saturday nights, she wondered. She always seemed so tightly controlled. How did she relax? Smiling, she thought of the message the woman had left on her cell phone, wishing her luck and safety on her assignment.

"What's this?" Olivia thoughts were interrupted. She had found the counseling session files. Quickly scanning a few, she found entrance interview notes for all, but after that only one session was recorded with the men. Each had an itemized list of "infractions" the men reported about their wives. She could not for the life of her find Tina or Gloria's files.

"They threw them out," Olivia whispered to herself. The slamming of a door in the outer room startled her into action. She quietly shut the file cabinet and slipped into a coat closet. She watched as a janitor came in with her cleaning supplies. Humming lightly, she searched for some unknown object. Not finding it, she left the room. Olivia quietly slipped out of the closet and headed for the door. Peeking out, she couldn't see the janitor. Crossing her fingers, she quickly darted to the front door and out of the office to safety.

Back at the room, she found Elliot pacing in the sitting area. He looked up when she walked in.

"Where have you been? I checked the ballroom and you weren't there."

Olivia smiled, breathless. "I got into the administrative office. For starters, Tina and Gloria's files are no where to be found. But, I looked at some of the other couples. El, this is starting to look like a counseling camp for men only. There are no documents detailing sessions with the women, and even then each man only had a list of complaints about their wives. Where's the rest of the documentation?"

Elliot nodded his head gravely. "I know…trust me I know."

Olivia stopped. "What happened?"

Elliot shook his head in disbelief. "I have to show you…you gotta see it to believe it. I already updated Cragen. Come on."

Ten minutes later, they were on the far end of the compound standing in front of a small building.

"After Hanson and I left, I wedged a piece of wood in the door so I could get back in," he explained. Elliot pushed open the door and entered, Olivia close behind. Hitting a light switch, Olivia shielded her eyes waiting for them to adjust.

"What…what is this?" She was looking at four gurneys positioned at the center of the room, each with a steel helmet attached to the head of the beds. At the far side was a row of tvs and what looked like a soundboard. Olivia turned to Elliot confused.

"The women are told to lay down on the gurneys and strap on the helmets," Elliot explained, taking her cue. "Soft music is played while the women are coaxed to sleep. Hanson and Farrow then program the 'wish list' each husband gives to them and transmit it into the helmets. And by some miracle of modern science, the women wake up, behavioral problems a thing of the past."

"What… is this some Stepford Wives shit or something?" Olivia asked incredulously. "Impossible. These men are nuts if they think they can brainwash these women."

"It crazy Olivia, I know," Elliot disagreed. "But Hanson explained it to me. While the women are getting their brains switched, the men are out hunting, playing football or taking a few golf swings. Once the women go through the process, the counselors work with them to reinforce the ideas through the sessions. If a woman doesn't pass successfully, she goes through the process again."

"So…how does this explain Tina and Gloria? Did they find out the scheme? Threaten to expose the camp?"

"Most likely," Elliot agreed. "That or something went horribly wrong with their sessions and they staged the rape and murder to make it look like a crazy did it. We have to call Munch and Fin and have them update us on the forensics."

Before Olivia could respond, they heard a faint commotion outside of the room. Elliot ran to the window and peered outside. "Shit, we're made. Quick, out the back."

Olivia scurried after Elliot as he headed for the back door. The busted into the cold night, shouts in their wake. Olivia looked over her shoulder and saw about eight shadowy figures with flashlights heading towards the front of the building.

"We have to go into the woods and lose them!" Elliot shouted. They sprinted into the trees. Olivia could barely see Elliot in front of her, but they had a slim advantage over the searchers as she heard them crashing into the building they had just exited.

They kept running. Olivia could hear their pursers getting closer. Guess they figured out where they were running, she thought. It was then that she realized how dire their situation was. She had a cell phone and they could call for help, but neither she nor Elliot were carrying their weapons. Just keep running, she thought widly.

Suddenly, she heard a crash and Elliot's blue shirt dropped out of sight. Stunned, Olivia slowed a fraction, but not fast enough. She felt herself slip and fall into space.

The impact was brutal as Olivia slammed into the ground, her bones rattling in protest. She laid there for a moment with her eyes tightly closed, breathing heavily, her body shooting pain signals into her brain.

"Liv…liv…" she heard Elliot gasp. She forced her eyes open and saw nothing but darkness. "Liv…"

"Elliot…are you ok? I can't see you," She looked up and saw the inky black night. Olivia deduced they had fallen at least six feet deep into a large hole.

"My arm…I think my arm's broken," Elliot said painfully. Olivia eyes were starting to adjust. She saw Elliot shape to her left and reached for him. She grabbed what felt like his calf.

"El…listen to me," she whispered as quietly as possible. "You have to be quiet. We need them to pass the hole, ok? Hang on partner."

They laid like that for what felt like eternity. Olivia could faintly hear the search team in the distance mixed with Elliot's heavy breathing. When she was sure they had passed, she reached into her jacket and pulled out her cell phone and called for help, relaying their position and Elliot's injury. Finished, she snapped the phone shut and crawled over to Elliot.

"Which arm is it?"

"My left one," he said through clenched teeth. Olivia reached blindly for his right hand. Finding it, she clasped it tightly giving Elliot a reassuring squeeze.

"Help is on the way El, you have to relax."

"ETA?"

Olivia bit her lip. "They will try to find us quickly…I don't know our exact location so it will be a little while. But it will be okay, try to relax." She stroked his hand in what she hoped was a comforting way. It was then that Olivia realized how cold it was. Even though it was spring, the nights hadn't quite caught up to the changing weather.

She stared up at the top of the hole. She hoped the police found them before the camp guards did. And before the cold killed them.


	6. Confessions

CHAPTER SIX

**Confessions**

Olivia was making her way through the lyrics to "Candle in the Wind." "…Never knowing who to claim to when the rain set in…I would have liked to known you, but I was just a kid…your candle burned out loooong beforrrrrre…your legend never di-id…"

"Liv," Elliot said faintly.

"…Yes?"

"Shut up."

Olivia smiled slightly. "We need to stay alert. And since you aren't going to talk, I'll treat you to my musical talents." Olivia estimated they had been in the whole for almost two hours. She had cut off her cell phone to preserve battery power and was debating whether or not to turn it back on. What if the police were trying to contact her?

"Let's talk then," Elliot said shifting painfully.

"That bad huh?" she teased. "What do you want to talk about?"

"The fact that I'm freezing and this ground is hard," was his plaintive answer.

Olivia rolled her eyes. She scooted over to Elliot's head. Lifting gently, she raised his torso and slipped behind him. He settled in between her legs, feeling oddly at home. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, resting her chin on his head. She had to admit, it felt good to have Elliot's solid body so intimately close to her.

"You're going bald Stabler," she said. Another check.

"Ha, ha you're funny."

"So…how are the kids?" Asking about his children was a sure way to get Elliot to loosen up. And Olivia's mind off her sexy partner. "And Kathy?" That would definitely do it.

"They're good, they're good, can't wait for summer, but Dickie's got a crush on one of his teacher's…" Elliot said. "And Kathy is…Kathy."

Olivia frowned. "Is everything alright?"

Elliot was silent for a minute. "She…she didn't want me to go on this assignment…"

Olivia nodded. "That's understandable. There's always the risk of danger when you go undercover. I mean, you could break an arm or something."

Elliot completely missed the joke. "No…she didn't want me to go on this assignment…with you."

Olivia frowned again. "What…what's that supposed to mean?"

Elliot sighed. "She thinks there might be more between us…more than what's considered professional."

"Oh…oh," Olivia said awkwardly. "Well, she was probably just having an insecure moment. It happens."

Elliot again went silent. "Well that's interesting," he said finally.

"What's interesting? That women have insecure moments?"

"No, that you didn't dispute it."

Olivia's heart was beating so fast she was sure Elliot could feel it in his back. She thought silence was the best answer.

Elliot turned to look at her, wincing with the effort. "Olivia? Is there something more going on here?"

"You tell me."

"I'm asking you."

"You're married," she whispered.

"I know…but I have to admit…I'm very attracted to you. I always have been."

"That's not enough…"

"For you, it is."

Olivia stared into his eyes. And made the first move.

The first kiss was chaste, platonic, a kiss between two friends. Second attempt it deepened, gently, as they reveled in the feel of each other's lips. It was Elliot that broke the spell first.

"Have you ever felt like something was just so right?" he whispered breathlessly. Olivia met his lips again with more force and they hungrily devoured each other. Elliot was lost in her soft lips, the pain of his arm momentarily forgotten.

"Benson…Stabler…Benson…"

Startled, Olivia pulled away. "Did you hear that?"

Elliot cleared the fog from his head. "Hear what? No."

"Sssh, listen!"

A moment later they heard it. "Stabler!"

"The cavalry has arrived," Elliot announced, distinctly disappointed. Olivia pulled herself away from him and stood up.

"We're here! We're here!"

Just then a shock of light blinded the two detectives as the rescue workers shone their flashlights down the hole. "We got em!" one called out behind him. "Just hold tight, you two. We'll get you out of there in no time."

XXXXXXX

The hospital was unusually quiet for a Saturday night, Olivia thought. She was sprawled on a bench in the waiting area, Munch by her side, awaiting word on Elliot. She and Elliot hadn't said one word to each other after the rescue team had pulled them out of the hole and whisked Elliot away in the ambulance. She couldn't put into words how she felt about the situation, but it suspiciously felt like guilt.

"What would they need a grave for?" Munch asked, shaking her from her reverie.

She shuddered. "It was so dark, I didn't notice what it was when we were in it," she replied.

Munch shook his head. "I wonder how many more there are? There's no telling how many bodies those freaks stashed out there."

"It's enough for a search warrant at least." Olivia and Munch looked up to find Alex strutting purposefully towards them, long blond hair bouncing. I would kill to look like that, Olivia thought. "That plus the unusual apparatus' you and Elliot stumbled on is enough for a judge to sign off on the search."

"So what's the charge exactly?" Munch asked.

Alex pursed her lips. "It's fraud at best," she said. "Those women had no idea what they were in store for when they attended that camp. Hopefully with the search warrant we can find some evidence that can shed light on what happened to those two women."

Taking a breath, Alex looked down at Olivia. "How are you holding up?" she asked tenderly. Munch cocked his eyebrow at the sudden change in tone.

Olivia gave her a lopsided smile. "I was doing better before I found out what we had fallen into. I'm creeped out. We gotta get these guys."

"Don't worry, we'll get them," Alex said confidently. If there was anything Alex was cocky about, it was the law. She knew it better than she knew herself.

"Detectives Munch and Benson?" The nurse called. "Detective Stabler is ready for visitors if you would like to see him."

Munch started off, Olivia hesitating a brief second before following him. They entered the hospital room, Elliot propped up among a mound of pillows, his left arm in a cast and sling.

"Well, that'll get you some points with the ladies," Munch said sardonically. "Anyone call the wife yet?"

"Yeah, she and the kids are on their way," Elliot said, tensing. He avoided Olivia's gaze. He fucked up. Royally. He knew it. He decided to handle it like he did every other crisis in his life: keep it inside and ignore the source.

Olivia felt a sharp pang. He won't even look at me she thought angrily. Munch and Elliot exchanged a few jabs before he slipped out of the room. Instead of turning to Olivia, Elliot laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

Outraged, Olivia smacked his cast. Elliot's eyes flew open in surprise.

"What?" he snapped, smarting from the pain.

"Somehow this is all my fault?" she asked threw clenched teeth.

"I don't want to talk about it Olivia, now is not the time," he said.

She knew it wasn't the time as well, but she was feeling uncooperative. "I'm not some chick you picked up in a bar Stabler," she snapped. "I'm your partner and your best friend. I deserve better than this."

Stabler looked at her angrily. Damn it Olivia. Can't you see? I have to hurt you. I just have to. "Not better than my wife deserves," he said cruelly. "What the hell do you want me to do? What the hell do you want me to say? The kiss was a brutal mistake and now I have to pay for it."

Hot tears flooded Olivia's eyes. It was then she realized just how deeply she felt for Elliot Stabler. Blindly she turned and fled the room, running right smack into Maureen.

"Olivia!" she said startled, assessing Olivia's demeanor. It always amazed Olivia how much she looked just like Kathy. "What's wrong? Is my dad okay? They said it was just his arm!"

Olivia put a hand on her shoulder, more to steady herself than to comfort Maureen. "He's fine Maureen," she said, smiling falsely. "He just has a broken arm. Go in there and see him. Is your mom far behind?"

"She went to park the car," she said, visibly relieved. Olivia nodded and hurried passed her. She held her breath until she got out into the parking lot. The chilly air felt good as Olivia let her tears and breath loose. She paced back and forth, sobbing.

"Olivia?" a soft voice beckoned.

Olivia whirled around. A concerned Alex was staring at her, eyes wide. Without saying a word, Alex stepped up and enveloped Olivia in a tight embrace. Olivia held on to her for dear life, letting the emotions run out until she was exhausted.

Alex was a mix of confused emotions as she stroked her friend's back. She had no idea why Olivia was so upset and what had caused it, all she wanted to do was make it stop.

Finally under control, Olivia pulled away from her. Severely embarrassed, she ducked her head. "I'm so sorry Alex…it's been a tough night…"

"Do you want to come by my place?" Alex blurted out. Olivia looked at her. "You know, watch a movie, eat some ice cream, paint our nails…whatever it is us girls do when we are fucking pissed?"

Olivia threw her head back and laughed. Thank God for Alex. "The movie and ice cream is on me," she said.


	7. Confessions Part II

CHAPTER SEVEN

Confessions Part II 

Alex was doubled over with laughter. Olivia was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face.

"Are you fucking kidding me!" Alex gasped.

"NO! He actually thought he could convert me to LDS! And I'm lying there naked thinking, this is SO wrong on SO many levels!" Olivia squealed.

The two were camped out on Alex's couch, cartons of ice cream, beer bottles and Chinese food cartons scattered every which way. For the past two hours the women had been swapping dating horror stories and love successes.

"That is just awful," Alex whined, her face flushed. "Do you want another beer?"

Olivia slapped her forehead. "Thank God I'm taking the subway home, I can't remember the last time I was this drunk."  
"Oh screw it Olivia," Alex said waving her hand. "You're staying here tonight."

"That's sweet of you Alex, but I don't want to put you out," Olivia protested.

"Whatever. I have a spare bedroom and some extra clothes. You're staying," she commanded.

Olivia smirked. "Yeah, right. Like I could really fit into your clothes. What are they, a size two? I think I wore a size two when I six years old."

Alex shook her head, chucking a throw pillow at Olivia's head. She unsuccessfully tried to dodge it. "Please. Olivia you have the hottest body of any woman I know."

"Then you don't know very many women," Olivia replied laughing, touched by the compliment.

Alex smiled mysteriously. The love life chatter had been fun, and Alex had easily substituted men into all of her stories. But she couldn't help wishing Olivia knew her secret. And if she did, then what? Alex had it bad and she knew it. She could not keep her eyes off the vibrant woman.

"Alex?"

Alex snapped back. "Yes my dear?"

Olivia giggled nervously. "You were staring."

Alex blushed. "So…uh…you never told me. Why were you so upset at the hospital tonight?"

Olivia's smile faded. She decided that what happened between Elliot and her, no matter how painful, had to stay between them. "I was just having a stress breakdown…sometimes working a case just gets to be too much you know? Sometimes we take so much in, but we don't know how to let it all out in a productive manner."

Alex nodded. "I definitely know what that's like," she said softly.

"So…what's your most naughtiest sexual experience?" Olivia asked suddenly. Leave it to her to be thinking about sex. It was a topic she was more comfortable discussing.

Alex laughed. "Oh, I'm not sure, what I think is naughty others may see as tame," she explained evasively.

Olivia crossed her feet Indian style and faced Alex. "Okay then, have you ever had a threesome?"

Alex's mouth dropped open. "NO! Have you?"

Olivia smiled wickedly. "Once…when I was in high school."

Alex shoved Olivia's shoulder. "Get out!"

Olivia nodded her head. "I know, I know…I was somewhat of a loner back then, didn't really run with girls, but I had a few guy friends. One night I got really drunk with two of them…"

"Were you…violated?"

Olivia shook her head violently. "No," she said matter of fact. "I wanted to do it." Olivia had never told anyone that, not ever. But she knew that Alex would not judge her for past indiscretions. And hopefully not for future ones.

Time for a question of her own. "Okay," Alex said, "have you ever kissed a girl?" Damn. She blamed it on the alcohol. It had to be the alcohol. Alex felt panicked as soon as the last word left her mouth.

Olivia cocked her head thoughtfully. "Well…no," she said. "I have never kissed a girl before…I don't think I ever even thought about it." It was true. While Olivia was a very sexual woman, she had never given much thought to being in a same sex pairing. "How about you?"

"…Yes," Alex said, looking into Olivia's eyes. It was the first truth Alex had admitted to in a long time.

"Wow," she said laughing. "Was it good?"

Alex smiled. "It was great."

Olivia's interest was piqued. "Do women kiss better than men? What do you think?"

Dangerous territory, but Alex didn't care. "Of course. Men aren't capable of the same things that women are."

Olivia stared at Alex. Wait a minute. "How many women have you kissed," she asked nonchalantly.

Alex bit her lip. Enough was enough. "A few," she said. "Just in fun," she added quickly.

Olivia looked away, smiling. I'll be damned. "I think I'm ready to hit the sack, as my mom would say," she said lightly.

"Okay, let me get you some stuff."

Alex rummaged through her belongings and brought Olivia clothes to sleep in. Walking her to the spare bedroom, Olivia turned to Alex.

"Thanks Alex," Olivia said softly. "I really needed this. Good night."

Alex didn't move. She thought of Pam's words. Take a risk. "Do you want to kiss a girl Olivia?"

Olivia froze. "I …I don't know," she replied honestly. "Are you offering?"

Alex smiled sadly. "I just want to have the honor of the only woman who has done so."

Olivia smiled. Slowly she leaned into Alex and met her lips. They stood like that, awkward, until Alex placed her hands on both sides of Olivia's face and guided Olivia along the way. Olivia felt a shiver as Alex gave her very all, kissing her the way she deserved to be kissed.

Parting slowly, Alex stared into Olivia's eyes. "I want to be the only one who can do that."

"Only you Alex, only you. Good night."


	8. Revelations

CHAPTER EIGHT

Revelations 

Alex was lying on her bed, staring out the window at the early morning sunshine. She heard Olivia puttering around outside her door.

Alex sighed heavily. She needed to get up and start the day. There was a soft knock on the door, which she ignored. A few moments later, she heard the front door of the apartment close. Sighing again, she dragged herself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

Bracing herself on the sink, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her face was splotchy and her eyes were rimmed red. She had spent what was left of the night crying, distraught over her behavior. It wasn't like Alex to lose control like that, she had spent her entire life perfecting the icy demeanor she was now known for. Some people thought she was cold and unfeeling. Others thought she was a bitch. Neither were true as it turned out, it was merely a means of survival. Kissing Olivia had been a mistake, one she was going to pay for dearly. Who was to stop Olivia from outing her?

Alex squeezed her eyes shut in agony. She didn't even want to think about that. There had to be a way to convince Olivia that she was not a lesbian. Thinking swiftly, she thought of Ken Briscoe.

"Perfect," she whispered to herself. The young detective was awestruck with Alex, and made no attempt to hide his puppy dog crush. Even better, he worked with Olivia.

Alex pushed herself away from the sink and headed for the shower. Switching on the faucet, her relief was mixed with melancholy.

XXXXXXXX

"Maybe you should take another day…"

Elliot smiled, patting Kathy on the rump. "No, I have to get back. Can you wrap me up some of those sandwiches you made?" They had spent the last two days together while Elliot recuperated, making love and reconnecting. While the time had revitalized Kathy and made her hopeful about their relationship, Elliot had been plagued with sporadic thoughts about Olivia. What the hell is wrong with me, he thought, watching his wife bustle around the kitchen. I have a beautiful wife, the mother of my children, and I'm thinking about some other woman?

But it wasn't just some other woman and Elliot knew it. It was Olivia. Olivia, the passionate, determined and intelligent woman who had changed his views on women police officers, shit women in general. When he first met her, he never thought she would make it in the Special Victims Unit. But what he would come find to out later, Olivia was a fighter, not one to back down from a challenge or a less than supportive partner. She was a complex woman, yet so simple, and it was that mix that was intoxicating to Elliot. Sometimes he thought he could detect a restlessness in Olivia, a sexual charge about her that lied just beneath the surface, threatening to expose itself one day.

He felt awful about hurting her, but he took a vow to stand by his wife for life. He was a good Catholic and he took his faith very seriously. We have to make sacrifices in this life, and for him it was to deny his feelings for the other woman.

Kathy had been talking about taking a trip up to Maine. When her ramblings garnered no response from Elliot, she turned from the sink and caught him staring off into space. The past two days had been wonderful, but this wasn't the first time she had noticed him daydreaming, his mind a million miles away from her. She fought the uneasiness.

"Earth to Elliot," Kathy sang lightly.

Elliot glanced at her quickly, startled. "I'm sorry baby, I gotta go, I'm going to be late." He stood up and with his good arm, pulled Kathy to him, kissing her passionately, forcefully pushing away any thoughts of Olivia. Kathy wrapped her arms around him possessively.

"See you tonight," he said huskily, before heading out the door.

XXXXXX

Olivia pushed through the doors of the squad. It had taken all of her willpower not to feign sickness and call off work. It was Tuesday and Elliot was scheduled back to work. She walked up to her desk and put her stuff away. Stabler, Munch and Fin hadn't arrived yet.

Sitting at her desk, she turned her thought towards Alex. She wasn't quite sure what to think about that situation. Olivia was sure that her new friend was indeed a lesbian. But that wasn't the problem. Olivia could care less what Alex did or who she was, she had always been an open-minded person. Obviously it wasn't something that Alex was comfortable being open about. It was her own feelings towards Alex that had thrown her for a loop. After they had kissed, Olivia had felt wildly thrilled, a feeling she had never felt before. She had never felt like that about a woman. What did it all mean, Olivia didn't know, but she did know that she wanted to explore this newfound piece of her sexuality. And she was pretty sure she wanted to explore it with Alex.

"Olivia, good morning," Cragen said walking up to her, holding a stack of files.

"Hey Cap, what have we got going on today?"

He shuffled through his paperwork. "Uh…Cabot is coming by to interview you and Elliot on the Pine Hills case…she got what she needed from Fin and Munch." They had arrested Dr. Hanson and Drew Farrow shortly after Elliot and Olivia were rescued. They searched the warehouse and found traces of both Tina and Gloria's blood on the concrete. Fin and Munch confronted the duo with this information, the camp leader stoically refusing to talk. Dr. Hanson on the other hand became a victim of his own ego, boasting that they had to kill the women for discovering their operation.

Alex walked in a few minutes later. Spotting Olivia, she threw her a brilliant smile. Wow, Olivia thought.

"Hey you," Olivia said smiling. "You look happy."

"I am," she replied. "I have decided to stop being such a chicken shit and get myself a date."

Olivia widened her eyes. "Really?" she asked, suddenly alarmed. "With who?"

Alex smiled wickedly. Then she turned around and marched over to Briscoe's desk, where he was unsuccessfully trying to disguise the fact that he had been staring at her unabashed.

"Hey Ken," Alex said flirtatiously. "Do you have a moment?"

Olivia watched as Ken stared up at her, mouth slightly agape. Olivia rolled her eyes, but kept watching. "Oh…of course Cabot, Alex…Alex," he stammered.

"Are you busy tomorrow night? I was wondering if you would like to take me to dinner?"

Olivia and Ken both started in shock. To his credit, Ken recovered more quickly. "Of course!" he said enthusiastically, standing up. "Where would you like to go?"

Alex pursed her lips thoughtfully, staring at the ceiling. "Ummm...how about you just surprise a girl?"

"You got it, it's a date," he said, smile wide. Alex patted him on the arm and walked past Olivia. "Liv, I'll meet you in Cragen's office when Elliot gets here."

Ken beaming, turned to Olivia. "Can you believe that? I'm going on a date with Alex Cabot!"

"No, I can't believe it," Olivia said upset. Was she wrong about Alex? She could have sworn by it, the woman was a lesbian. Why did she kiss her? And why was she so upset about being wrong? Her aggravation intensified as Ken skipped around the office telling everyone in sight. And why the hell would she want to date Ken?

Elliot passed by Ken as he rushed out of the squad, glancing at him. "What's up with him?"

"He's got a date," Olivia said irritably.

"Who would go out on a date with him?"

"I'm sure he'll tell you, just wait your turn."

Elliot cleared his throat. He stood behind his desk, facing Olivia. She looked upset, which he could understand. "Listen," he said in a low voice. "I'm sorry about what happened the other night. But let's not let it get in the way of doing our job."

Olivia was so preoccupied with Alex, she had forgotten about Elliot. She looked at him squarely. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that she was still hurting. "No, don't apologize," she said brusquely, "you were right. It was wrong and it will never happen again. Don't even bring it up."

"Olivia," Elliot pleaded. He tried to look in her eyes, but she was having none of it. "I can't do this to my wife. You have to understand that."

"But you can do this to me. Oh, that's right. She deserves better than me. You are a real asshole Elliot. Obviously things aren't as peachy at home if you felt the need to come to me."

Elliot felt himself getting angry. "You know what, it's easy for you to sit and judge. Try getting married yourself, you'll understand then. But we all know that would never happen."

Olivia froze. "Excuse me?" she asked in a deadly calm voice.

"You can't even keep a date, much less a boyfriend, even less a husband," he snapped. "All you do is wallow in your past. No man would ever want all of your baggage. You act like a victim."

"Domestic dispute?" Munch had walked in and heard the last of Elliot's words. He had no idea what prompted them, but he was pissed all the same. "Why don't you back off a little bit there, Stabler? You've only got one good arm."

Olivia was breathing hard, stunned. "Alex and Cragen are waiting on us." She stood up and rapidly headed for the interview room.

Elliot stood there for a second, staring at her vacant chair. Shit. Why did she always have to force him into hurting her? Slowly he followed her.

Olivia walked into the interview room and plopped down in the chair, shaking. She refused to look at Alex, who was staring at her quizzically. Elliot walked in and slowly shut the door before leaning on it.

"All right Alex, what do you need to win this case?" Cragen asked, oblivious to the tension.

Alex tore her eyes away from Olivia, switching to lawyer mode. "Well, I need both of you to testify to the chase and what you saw, but Elliot I need you to authenticate some of Hanson's statements so we can nail both he and Farrow with them."

"You cut Hanson a deal?" Elliot asked, trying to focus on the matter at hand.

"No, he's rescinding his confession and wants his day in court," Cragen said wryly. "More like he wants to hear himself speak."

Alex went over the basics of the case. Olivia tuned her out, fuming over Elliot's words. How dare he speak to me like that? And Alex? How dare she lead me on? Neither one wants to have any claim to me, she thought bitterly.

"Olivia?"

Her head snapped up. Alex and Cragen were staring at her. "What?" she snapped. Alex looked over her head and threw Elliot a look. He just shrugged and looked away, the guilt plain on his face. What did he do? She seems almost mad at me too, Alex thought. It couldn't be…

"I need to schedule a time to go over your testimony in the next few weeks."

"Yeah, whatever," she said standing up. "We done here?"

"They are, Olivia you stay."

She clenched her jaw as Alex and Elliot left the room. Alex tried to catch her eye, but failed.

"Is there a problem here Olivia?" Cragen asked after the door closed. "Your attitude is about four feet in front of you."

"I've been under a lot of stress lately," she said. How could she tell him that she was may be in love with her married partner who treated her like shit at every turn, or that she may be developing lesbian tendencies and her friend, who she believes to be one, just asked out a man? And that it was royally pissing her off that she had been rejected by both?

"Do you need to speak to Huang?"

"No." She took a deep breath. "I'll be fine Captain. I'm sorry if I was rude."

She left his office and headed for the roof. She needed some time alone to think.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"How long do you plan on staying up here?"

Olivia had been staring out at the city skyline, trying her best to shut out Elliot's words. As cruel as they were, they rang with more truth than she was willing to admit. And Alex was the last person she wanted to speak to at the moment. "Until I'm good and ready to leave." She said sarcastically.

Alex crossed her arms and rocked back and forth, her heels clicking on the rooftop. Good lord, wasn't it Spring? "Well, I suggest you hurry it up. I'm already late getting back to the office."

Olivia turned around. "I'm not in the mood Alex. I really don't need you right now."

Alex stepped closer to her. "What's going on with you and Elliot, Olivia?" She asked softly, looking into her eyes. "I assume he was the reason you were so upset at the hospital?"

Olivia stared at the ground. "I don't know, maybe our time together is up."

Alex frowned at the vague answer. "Okay, let's try another one," she suggested. "Why are you so upset with me?"

"Don't you have a date you need to get ready for?" she asked sugary sweet.

Alex stared at her, unbelieving. That would be a cruel joke Olivia, don't do this to me. "That's it? You're mad at me for having a date."

Olivia sighed, miserable. "I don't know why I am mad at you Alex. I haven't figured that part out yet. I haven't figured you out yet."

Alex swallowed. "What is there to figure out? I've been completely honest with you and I value your friendship."

Olivia finally looked up. "Have you?" she asked evenly.

Alex could feel the tears coming. "I don't want you to hate me…"

Olivia grabbed Alex's face and kissed her. Then she kissed her again. And she kissed her until Alex had melted into her arms and wouldn't let her go. She worked her way down Olivia's neck, planting a trail sweet kisses, Olivia's moans egging in her on.

"I guess I'm canceling that date," Alex mumbled, her lips on Olivia's collarbone.

"I guess so."

XXXXXXXXXXXX


	9. Sins of the Father

A/N I wanted to thank all you for your reviews, they are appreciated more than you will ever know. One thing I learned while writing this chapter, I am not very good at writing smut. So while you will see more of it in the coming chapters, it won't be very drawn out.

CHAPTER NINE

Sins of the Father 

Elliot Stabler was miserable. He was standing outside of a potential witness' apartment, listening to Fin try to coax the man into coming down to the station and viewing a line-up. To say that the man was uncooperative was putting it lightly.

He never would have imagined that silence from Olivia would hurt so much. Oh, it wasn't that she wouldn't talk to him. Quite the contrary, she worked with him through the cases with her usual determination and intellect. It was the shutting out of all things personal that was driving him crazy. She refused to speak to him about anything that didn't involve one of their cases. There was no joking, no teasing, no flirting, no nothing. And it had been just like that, for the past two weeks, with no end to the freeze in sight.

"Look, this man is going to rape another woman," Fin said, voice full of frustration. "You really want that on your conscience?"

Elliot leaned against the doorjamb, fighting to stay focused. "Look, that guy is a member of the Paganos," the young man said, shaking his head violently. "I ain't gonna have much of a conscience if the bastard has his friends roll up here and kill me. We're done."

They were met with the slamming of a door. Fin muttered an expletive and stalked out, Elliot trailing behind. Out in the car, Elliot slid into the passenger seat, mind still preoccupied. It wasn't just her coldness that was bothering him. It was the other man. He had no idea who he was, he was just certain that there was someone else. The signs were all there. She was wearing make-up almost every day, there were times when she would just start smiling as if her thoughts were so entertaining. The guy even called her every so often while she was on shift. Olivia would check her caller id, smile broadly, then scoot off to a private place to take the call. Somehow, the presence of this other man was making Elliot feel even worse. He didn't want to think about her with another man. Another man besides him.

"You know, I appreciate that you and Benson are having some issues, but I really need you to show up."

Elliot turned to face Fin, a blank look on his face. "What are you talking about? Benson and I aren't having problems."

Fin cocked his eyebrows. "Yeah ok, if that's the way you want to spin it," he said. "But you haven't put in any effort for the past couple of weeks. It's time to put up Stabler."

Elliot sat back in his seat and stared out the window as they sped back to the precinct. He had no response because Fin was right. He had to get it together. And the only way to do that was to make things right with Olivia. He just didn't know how.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia giggled into the phone. "Alright, alright, I'll be on time. I'll see you after I get off tomorrow. Kisses." She hung up the cordless phone and padded into her kitchen to make some tea. The past few weeks with Alex had been amazing. The woman was so smart and so sexy and she had Olivia hooked. The sex was a joyous journey, an eye-opening experience that Olivia was enjoying very much. She was finding new ways to explore her sexuality and it was so very fulfilling, and Alex was an excellent teacher.

While she knew the woman was happy with her, the relationship wasn't entirely perfect. Alex harbored an intense paranoia about being "outed" and Olivia just could not comprehend it. It wasn't so much that Olivia wanted her to announce their relationship per se, she just thought it would be in Alex's best interest to come out of the closet.

"You just don't understand," Alex had said, one afternoon while they were out for a quick lunch. "My career would be ruined."

Olivia smiled wryly while she stabbed at her cobb salad. "Alex, I'm not going to pretend to understand what you have gone through in your life, but don't you think your being a little melodramatic?"

"No," she answered crossly. She hadn't touched her food. "Women like me don't survive in the DA's office. It's a conservative bunch and very political. Just look what happened to Southerlyn."

Olivia paused. "Who?"

"Serena Southerlyn," Alex pressed. "An ADA in major felonies. Or ex I should say. Branch fired her six months ago after finding out she was a lesbian."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Alex! There is no way he could get away with that, it's illegal."

Alex smiled humorously. "You see on paper it was because of her work performance, some bullshit about her lacking objectivity with defendants in her cases. But we all know it was her lifestyle that worried Branch. Once a Southerner, always a Southerner with him. Besides, how would you feel if the whole 16th knew you and I were sleeping together?"

Olivia set down her fork. "It really doesn't matter Alex," she said honestly. "Everyone already thinks policewomen are automatically gay. I am more than confident that the people I work with wouldn't really give a shit one way or the other. And if they did, I could care less myself. I'm more concerned about you Alex. It's hard to be someone you're not, and it's not fair to you to do so."

Despite her efforts, Olivia had been unsuccessful in convincing Alex that day. It hurt her that her friend was so ashamed of who she was that she wouldn't stand up for herself, for her rights.

Olivia sighed and brought her tea into the bedroom. Besides that, she was enjoying her time with Alex. Life would be pleasant if it weren't for Elliot. She missed him dearly. After all this time, she was still hurt by the things he had said to her, but she wished things were like they used to be. One kiss, and everything went to shit, she thought bitterly. She had done her best to shut him out, but she couldn't help thinking she was making a mistake. He was her best friend in the world and she could only hold out hope that that in itself was enough to get them through this difficult period.

She grabbed the remote and switched on the tv. A knock on the door startled her and she spilled hot tea all over her jeans.

"Gotdamn it…who is it?" she asked, pissed. She was answered with more knocking. Groaning, she walked over to the door and flung it open.

Standing there with his hand on the doorjamb was Elliot Stabler, a deeply intense set to his features. He noticed the empty cup and the dark, wet stains on her jeans.

"Did I scare you?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Just at the top of the class aren't you?" she said snidely. But she couldn't completely hide her surprise. "What are you doing her Elliot?"

Elliot put his good hand in his pocket. "I…can we talk for a second? Please Olivia…"

She bit her lip. Silently, she stepped aside and let him in. She went into the kitchen to grab a towel for the mess. She came out and saw Elliot standing there, looking lost.

"What can I help you with," she asked neutrally, wiping up the spill.

"I need you," he said quietly.

She stopped cold. "What?" she asked dumbly.

Elliot grabbed her by one of her shoulders until she was facing him. "I need you," he said in a stronger voice. "It's a sin to have you, but I don't think I care. I tried so hard to deny my feelings for you, but the more I do, the worse it gets. I can't stand this, this thing we've been doing for the past couple of weeks. I miss you."

Olivia felt faint. It was everything she had wanted him to say, but it still didn't help the overall predicament. He was married. And she was dabbling in lesbianism. "I miss you too," she said painfully. "But we can't keep going around in circles like this. I can't keep putting myself out there for you to hurt."

"I know, I know," he said dropping his hand. "I don't know what to do. All I know is that I want you, and I don't think I'll be happy until I get you."

Olivia shifted her feet, trying to figure out his motives. "Is that…is that all it would take? Are you asking me to sleep with you so you can move on?"

Elliot smiled. "I think it's a little more than that," he said. "I think I'm asking you to indulge me."

It occurred to Olivia then that Elliot wasn't fully aware that she felt just as strongly about him as he did her. He just wanted her to "help him out" in a way, almost take pity on him. She struggled internally. Should she do it? She wanted him so bad, maybe more than he wanted her. To take advantage of his vulnerability was wrong and she knew it. Besides, she had Alex to think about now.

Olivia sighed. She was tired of being "Saint Olivia." She was tired of always doing the right thing. She wanted to be the taker, the one who did what she wanted for her own happiness. She had spent the better part of her life giving herself to others, now it was her time.

She pushed him on the couch and straddled him. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and got lost. Elliot ran his fingers through her hair and tightened them, making Olivia gasp. She could feel him pressing against her, the hardness exciting her. She climbed off and fell to her knees, unzipping him slowly.

"Wait, Olivia. You…you don't have to do that."

Of the many things Olivia was confident about, it was her ability to please a man sexually. She ignored his protests and put her hands around his manhood. His moans guided her as she worked on him. Suddenly, he quickly stood up and pulled Olivia with him, crashing his mouth into hers. They fell onto the couch, ripping away every piece of clothing that threatened to keep them apart. Elliot pulled away and looked deep into her eyes before thrusting into her in one shot. Olivia closed her eyes tight and threw her head back, shrieking with pleasure. They moved together like that, in sync, two trained dancers that had been studying together for life. Elliot brought them both to a climax, Olivia screaming for him not to stop. He collapsed on top of her, holding her tightly until their collective breathing slowed.

He raised his head and looked at her. "I ask one thing of you," he said.

Not trusting her voice, Olivia nodded, encouraging him to speak.

"Never deny me. Never."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX


	10. All in the Family

CHAPTER 10

All in the Family 

Kathy Stabler sat at the kitchen table staring out into space. She was cradling the cordless phone, the Queens area phone book in front of her, open to listings of private detectives.

What if he would have done something like this to her, she thought. She would kill him and she knew it. There was no excuse for hiring someone to tail your spouse. But she couldn't stop her sister's warnings from ringing in her ears.

"I'm telling you Kat it's the only way," she said knowingly. "The 'I'm stuck at work' excuse is brilliant because you can never dispute it. The only way you'll know if he's lying is to hire someone to investigate him."

Her sister was right. But she still felt guilty about it. If Elliot was indeed innocent, the mistrust could ruin their marriage.

Kathleen bounded into the kitchen. "What's up Mom, where's Dad?"

she asked, rummaging in the fridge. "Let me guess, he's at work. Listen, Paul is going to pick me up from soccer practice tonight. Tell Elizabeth to stay out of my make-up!" Kathleen was like that. She could never follow one line of thought, she just threw everything she was thinking into one sentence.

Kathy closed her eyes. Her world was falling apart, she had to find a way to stop it. "Okay, okay," she answered dully. Satisfied, Kathleen scurried out of the kitchen. She looked down at the phone in her hand and dialed.

"McCready and Williams."

"Yes…I need to hire a private investigator."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alex, this is ridiculous," Olivia complained, watching Alex run around the apartment, stuffing Olivia's random items into a shopping bag.

"No, it's not!" Alex shouted, tripping on a corner of the rug. Regaining her composure, she looked at Olivia harried. "You've got to go. Now." She held the bag out to her.

Olivia was beyond frustrated. She ignored the offering. "Alex, now is your chance to stand up to them."

Alex dropped the bag. "Liv, you do not know my parents," she said desperately. "Especially my dad. He would strangle me with his bare hands if I brought disgrace to the Cabot name." Alex was a hot mess. She had received a call from her mother that morning saying surprise! They were in town for a week and wanted to stay with Alex. Hopefully it won't put you out too much dear, she had said. But you never make it back to Dallas anymore and we miss you. Alex had gritted her teeth so hard, she was surprised her teeth hadn't crumbled.

"You need to seriously grow up Alex," Olivia said not unkindly. "Coming out to your parents would be one of the best decisions you could ever make."

"AUUGHH! You sound like my ex!" Alex screamed, pumping her fists. Olivia was amused at this display. Alex wasn't the type to throw a tantrum. "What is it with my girlfriends?"

Olivia cocked her eyebrow. Alex had never called her that before. An image of Elliot lying in her bed last night flashed through her mind and she guiltily pushed it away. Alex moaned and plopped down beside her, laying her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"What am I going to do?" she moaned.

Olivia patted her on the head. "What time did they say they were going to be here?"

Alex consulted her watch. "In about an hour." She looked pleadingly into Olivia's eyes. "Please go. I'm not ready for this."

"So I'm supposed to wait a week before I can talk to you?" Again, she thought of Elliot. Between work, his family and Alex, they had precious little time together. Although she had to admit, any time away from him was too long. Alex being occupied would free up some time, but she still didn't like the idea of being away from her so long.

Alex flushed, guilty. "I know it's not fair Liv, but-"

The knock on the door cut her off. Olivia glanced at Alex. Once red, she was now ghostly white. She made no move to get the door.

"Alex," Olivia said gently. "Get the door."

Alex sprang into action. "Quick, get into my bathroom!"

Olivia stared at her dumbfounded. Not waiting for a protest, Alex pulled Olivia off the couch and sprinted her into the bathroom. Opening the door, she pushed her in slamming it shut behind her, cutting off all protests.

"I'm coming!" Alex yelled, sprinting back towards the door. She yanked it open to find George and Louise Cabot standing there flabbergasted. "What took you so long?" George asked in a Southern drawl.

Alex laughed, breathless. "I was so into my work, I didn't hear you. Hi!"

George gave a booming laugh. "Get over here girl," he ordered, pulling her into a bear hug. Normally, her father was a massive man, all brute and brawn. It amazed people that he squeezed himself into a suit every day to serve the clients at his law firm. Even though he was cheerful, Alex thought he looked somewhat under the weather and he had lost so much weight it was noticeable.

"Hello Alexandra," her mother said, more demurely. She gave Alex a quick, almost non-existent peck on each cheek. Louise was a former beauty queen, a real Texas belle. She had never had any aspirations in life but to be George Cabot's wife. "My, do you have time to get to the gym? It seems you have put on a little extra padding." As usual, Alex ignored her mother's critique.

Alex looked back and forth between her parents. Her dad looked exhausted and her mother had worry lines etched into her face.

"This isn't a surprise visit, is it?" she asked quietly.

Her dad's smile faltered. "Alexandra, let's sit down for minute there." He collapsed on the couch, her mother grabbing his hand and sitting next to him, daintily. Still standing, Alex looked back and forth between both of them. "What is going on?" she asked in a shrill voice.

"Alexandra, your papa is sick," he said tiredly. "Had myself a check up and the doc tells me I got something called congestive heart failure. Now, it isn't the exact name for my problems, but it's a general description." Bizarrely, Alex couldn't help thinking he sounded a lot like her boss Arthur Branch. "I came to New York to see you before I went in for surgery."

Alex was appalled. "Papa! Why didn't you tell me? I could have come to you. Why did you get on a plane?"

Louise tsked. "Alexandra really," she scolded. "When was the last time you came home?"

Alex's eyes started to tear. Alex and her parents didn't have the closest relationship and they all knew it. But did they really think she was too heartless to visit her sick father?

"So…are you going to die?" she asked weakly.

"I hope not," he said in his brutally honest manner. "So you got us for a week. Make the most of it squirrel. How about you take us around this God forsaken city and show us why you love it so much."

Alex remembered Olivia in the bathroom. "I…I have to clear it with work…why didn't you two tell me you were coming sooner?" she asked helplessly.

"Alexandra," her mother purred. God, how can a person purr Alex thought? "If we would have done that, you would have made up some excuse as to why it wasn't the best time. Now we're here, make the necessary arrangements."

Alex could feel a headache coming on. She had to rescue Olivia from the bathroom. "Okay, why don't you guys get set up in the guest room?" she asked, with false cheerfulness. "I'll get your bags, you left them in the hallway."

George pushed off the couch. "We had some dark child carry them up for us, apparently this building has those people as renters."

Alex stumbled. "Dad!" she admonished. Her headache was getting worse by the minute. "I really am not in the mood for all of that."

"Oh, excuse me African-American people," he drawled. "Everyone is just so PC around here…" he trailed off into the room about to launch into a tirade about the liberal left, her mother following closely behind.

Alex dashed into her bedroom and yanked open the bathroom door. Olivia stood there red-faced, looking like she was ready to slap Alex.

"You little-"

"No time, they are in the guest room," she quickly cut her off. Groaning, Olivia had no choice but to follow. She snuck her safely out of the apartment shutting the door behind her. She collapsed against it, expelling a breath. Now if her parents saw Olivia, she could just say she was a neighbor. Her dad would certainly approve of the likes of Olivia. She started to laugh at the insanity of it all.

"Feeling proud of yourself Alexandra?" Olivia angrily asked.

Alex steeled herself. "I love you Olivia," she said sincerely. And she really did. "But not enough to uproot my life. I'm sorry."

Olivia swallowed Alex's confession. "You don't have to do it for me, do it for yourself," she said, quickly side-stepping the love admission. She turned and walked down the hallway without a backwards glance.


	11. Shock and Awe

Sorry this is so late, wouldn't let me post it last night! Anyway, when I started this story I had a clear idea ofhow I was going to end it, but now that I'm writing it, I'm not sure if that's the way I want to go. Does that happen to any of you other authors? Enjoy.

CHAPTER 11

Shock and Awe 

"Shhh, we don't want anyone to hear us," Elliot warned breathlessly. Olivia's answer was another drawn out moan as she braced herself against the wall, Elliot thrusting into her from behind. He and Olivia had snuck up to the crib for a little playtime. They were both on duty and the squad room was full of busy detectives. The daring move was like an aphrodisiac to Olivia and she wanted more.

They had been involved in a torrid affair for the past two and a half months and Elliot still could not believe this side of Olivia. She was like a tigress, sexually charged and uninhibited, never getting enough. He just could not get enough of her, eager to explore more of what she was capable of.

They clumsily finished, Olivia laughing at her less than lady like ways. Elliot plopped onto one of the beds, pulling Olivia into his lap, facing him. They stared at each other like that, peppering each other's faces with kisses.

"I love you Olivia Benson," Elliot said.

Olivia smiled sadly. Both he and Alex had professed their love, but because of her relationship with both, she didn't trust herself to echo it to either of them.

Olivia was certain that the whole situation was out of control. Elliot and she had gone so far, there was no turning back. She was having an affair with a married man, and she was a threat to a stable home life. Alex was under the impression that she was the only one in Olivia's life and that she had turned her into a lesbian like her. She couldn't bring herself to admit to either of them that she was cheating on them, afraid of losing them both. She was playing with fire and it was almost a matter of time before she got burned. My God, is it possible to be in love with two people?

He stroked Olivia's back with strong hands. His touch sent shivers down her spine. Lord, bless this man. "How does it feel to have both arms back Mr. Stabler?"

He pretended to think. "Well, you aren't able to take advantage of me anymore."

She laughed. "You like it, don't deny it," she teased.

"I love it, I love everything about you," he corrected.

Olivia was uncomfortable. "Right…"

"Who is he?" he asked, looking her square in the eye.

Olivia blinked. "What?"

"You have a boyfriend," he said calmly. He held up his hand to stop her from protesting. "Don't lie Olivia, I know there is someone else who calls you, who spends time with you. I just want to know who he is."

Technically speaking, Elliot didn't have the right to forbid her from seeing other people. But she would not out Alex. That wasn't her decision to make. "Elliot, I'm not seeing anyone else," she lied. "Even if I was, you really think you have a right to ask me?"

Elliot's jaw clenched. "No," he admitted. "But I just like to know who I am competing with."

"Can't be any worse than competing with your wife," she shot back. This wasn't the first time they had brought up Kathy. By all accounts Olivia actually liked the woman. She would be lying if she said she didn't feel as if she were betraying her and that it hadn't kept her up a night or two. At least with Alex, an innocent party wasn't being hurt. Selfish Olivia wasn't as easy she had thought it was going to be.

"Let's not bring her up," Elliot suggested. He leaned in to kiss her but Olivia held back.

"Elliot," she said searching his face. "What is going on? What is so bad at home that you feel the need to have an affair?"

He didn't like talking about Kathy, because talking about her made the affair real. "I can't connect to her," he whispered. "I'm a different person than I was when we met. The Marines, this job…" he shook his head helplessly. "It takes a piece of you away, bit by bit. She'll never understand and I don't feel close enough to share it with her."

Elliot looked at Olivia. "I'll always love her Olivia," he said truthfully. "I just don't know if I am still in love with her. If the kids weren't still in the house…I would leave her for you."

Olivia was shocked. There it was, out there in the open. Elliot tried to explain. "We can't deny what we have and what we have shared the past few years."

It was official. She was a homewrecker. She pushed off his lap. "Let's get back to work,' she suggested. "Why don't we go talk to Warner about Riddley?"

Elliot let the matter drop. For now.

XXXXXXX

Alex knocked on the door to Olivia's apartment. She had spent the better part of the week with her parents and had finally had a moment to slip away. She was worried about her father's condition, but she needed a break to see her girlfriend.

"Well, well," Olivia said sarcastically, opening the door. "If it isn't my favorite closet homo."

Alex sighed. "I know you're angry Olivia, I treated you badly," she said. "It's been a tough week…I just needed to see you.'

"How is your father?" Olivia asked softening.

Alex shrugged. "We haven't had the best relationship," she admitted, "but he's still my father and I love him. I'm worried."

Olivia gave her a reassuring hug and kiss. Externally, she was the picture of calm. Internally, she was freaking out. Elliot was due over any minute, the plan was to curl up and watch some movies together. She really needed this time with him to sort out her feelings about his feelings towards her. She wasn't expecting to see Alex for another few days.

"Thanks baby, I needed that," Alex said smiling. "Are you going to invite me in?"

"Sure," Olivia said brightly, "but just for a minute because I'm on my way out…I promised Fin I would go out for his birthday."

Alex gave her an appraising look. "Dressed like that?"

Olivia looked at her worn sweats and oversized t-shirt. "After I change," she said hastily. Alex followed her into the bedroom and the couple caught up on events. Olivia quickly changed her clothes, following through with the charade.

"Do you need me to give you a ride to the bar?" Alex offered.

"Oh no sweetie," she said, putting on earrings. "I can just take the D. You should get home to your papa."

Alex knew she was right, but she was still disappointed that she couldn't spend more time with her. "I'll walk with you downstairs."

Olivia smiled tightly. She was going to have to walk towards the subway then double back when Alex pulled out of sight. She followed Alex out of the apartment, locking the door behind her. She grabbed Alex's hand and walked to the elevator.

"I'm thinking about dying my hair dark brown," Alex said, staring at her self in the mirror as the elevator sped to the first floor.

Olivia slapped her playfully on the butt. "Don't you dare," she said in mock anger grabbing Alex for a kiss. She giggled, grabbing Olivia tighter. They were so preoccupied that they didn't notice when the elevator had stopped and the doors whisked open.

"Hello Olivia, Alex."

The two women flew apart in shock. Olivia's eyes widened in fright. _Holy shit!_

Elliot's face was unreadable. He held open the door and handed Olivia a bag. "Here are the videos you wanted to borrow. Take your time with them. I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded to Alex, his face still a stone mask, and headed out of the building. As devastated as she was, Olivia was grateful to Elliot for not giving her away.

Alex put her hand over her heart and fell back against the wall of the elevator. "Oh my God, Olivia," she said, her breaths coming gasps. "What am I going to do? Oh my God…."

Olivia pulled herself together. "Alex," she said sternly, "Elliot is a stand up guy. He won't tell a soul. I promise."

"You promise," she said in disbelief. "The whole world is going to know about us by tomorrow morning!"

"Alex look at me-"

"No!" she yelled, forcefully pushing Olivia away. "It's over, I have to go. I can't handle this right now."

She tearfully ran out of the elevator, leaving Olivia alone once again.


	12. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

CHAPTER 12

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words 

Olivia and Munch hopped out of the squad car. Elliot and Fin were already on the scene, interviewing witnesses. Elliot spotting them, excused himself from a distraught bystander.

"What have you got?" Munch asked, holding the police tape up for Olivia to crawl under.

"Apparently a group of four boys, witnesses put the ages between 11 and 13, chased the victim out into the street where he was hit by a car," Elliot explained, leading them to Warner and the prone body of a little black child.

"Meet Demetrius Brown," Warner said looking up at the detectives. "His mother is over there, she came out of her apartment after hearing the commotion. She puts the boy's age at six."

Olivia looked down at the little boy, heartbroken. A child murdered by children, she thought desperately. It can't get any worse than this.

"His pants are ripped…did that happen during the accident?" she asked fighting to keep the trembling from her voice. Elliot glanced at her but remained silent.

"I can't say for sure, but it looks as if they were ripped before."

"Possible sexual assault…" Elliot mumbled to her. Olivia looked up to the sky, searching for an answer.

After the boy's body had been taken away, the detectives interviewed all witnesses on the scene. They found one bystander who identified one of the boys, Jered Manchester.

"He lives in my apartment building, over there, 466" the little man supplied, pointing across the street. "He's a good boy, not like him to be involved in anything like this. But I saw him, plain as day…"

Elliot nodded. "Thank you sir," he said, excusing him. "Hey, Liv and I will go see if the boy or his parents are home."

Fin nodded. Olivia followed Elliot as they headed for the building. She wasn't sure what was going on in Elliot's head. He was flipping the script on her, acting in just the same manner she had when he had pissed her off. He mentioned not one word of the fiasco with Alex, instead keeping to professional manners. He hadn't returned any of her phone calls.

"Here it is, 466." Elliot knocked on the door rapidly. After a moment of silence, he repeated the action to no avail.

"Guess they're not home," Olivia mumbled. She followed him out of the building

"El, hold up," she said when they walked out into the sunshine. Their position was obscured from the scene. He turned to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She didn't quite know how to bring it up. "What's happening with us?" she blurted out. "I mean, talk to me. What are you thinking?"

Elliot smiled thinly. "I'm thinking that my best friend and lover is a lesbian."

Olivia shook her head. "I…I can't explain it to you…I can't explain it myself…"

Elliot waved her off. "I know what I saw," he said stepping closer to her. "What does this make you? Bi-sexual? Do you have any idea what you're doing Olivia?"

Olivia frowned, taken aback. "What do you mean, what I'm doing?"

Elliot shrugged. "No, don't do that," Olivia demanded. "What are you trying to say?"

"It's a sin Olivia," he said quietly.

Olivia looked at him as if he were from another planet. "El…what the hell? You can't honestly believe that, Catholic upbringing not withstanding."

He shuffled his feet. "Well…I'm okay with…that lifestyle for others, but I don't necessarily want it around me…Olivia I was sleeping with you," he said pointedly. "You should have told me. I thought it was some guy…but Alex? I always knew something was off about that woman…not this… but you two together?"

Olivia was trying to follow his rambling. "Look, you're right about not telling you, I was wrong." she said sternly. "I've never done anything like this before. I like Alex a lot and I have a wonderful time whenever I'm with her. Does this make me bi or a lesbian, I don't know. But what I do know is that it doesn't make me or Alex or anyone else who chooses to sleep with the same sex a deviant or sinner. That's just bullshit from the organized religious sect. You have a mind of your own Elliot, use it."

Elliot nodded his head, looking over her shoulder. Olivia could see that he was truly troubled, so she softened a bit. She knew how important his faith was to him and she had no choice to respect it, regardless of the fact that he was wrong.

She placed her hand on his cheek and rubbed it. He closed his eyes, drinking in her touch. She leaned forward and kissed him softly. "I also know how much I love being with you," she said, when they disconnected.

"Liv…I don't want you with her," he whispered, leaning his forehead on hers.

"I don't want you with your wife," she answered, shocked by the truth of her words.

"I can't stop you can I?" he said looking at her sadly.

"I don't know what this is with Alex, but I've got to find out. It seems like we both need to make a decision about who we want to be with."

He was about to answer when something caught his eye. A blue Ford Taurus parked directly across the street was flashing. Elliot realized it was a camera bulb.

"Olivia…" he said alarmed, stepping back. She looked over her shoulder.

"What is it?" she asked, her eyes searching.

"That car…" He took off running. The engine roared to life and the Taurus peeled out. Elliot chased it a few feet then skidded to a stop in the middle of the street. Olivia caught up to him.

"What the hell is going on?"

"That guy was taking pictures of us Olivia," he said angrily.

"What?" she gasped. "Do you think it's IAB?"

"What happened?" Munch called catching up to them.

Elliot shook his head. "We're being tailed, some guy was taking pictures of Olivia and I."

"What on earth for? Is it the rat squad?" he asked, echoing Olivia.

"El, we'll put out a couple of feelers and see what we find," she said, her hand on his shoulder. He threw her a look and she read it instantly. They had been caught kissing. If it was indeed IAB, they were fucked.

XXXXXXXX

Attempts at identifying the mystery photographer went unheeded and Olivia and Elliot went about their normal routine, both trying to force back their paranoia. Olivia was in the locker room on her cell phone talking to Alex. She hadn't seen her for a week and she was really worried about her.

"…Olivia…I just…I was so scared," she whispered. Alex had spent the rest of the week in total terror. Returning to the office, she was hypersensitive to the demeanor of her colleagues but nothing had changed. As far she could tell anyway.

"Alex I told you Elliot wouldn't tell anyone," she scolded, tapping her foot on the floor. "What do you want to do now?"

"I miss you so much…"

"I miss you too…but Alex, you really need to figure this out."

"My parents are still here," she said quietly.

"What?" Olivia asked, confused. "They moving in or something?"

Alex sighed. "They pushed back his surgery, so now he's just dandy staying here."

Olivia continued her conversation with Alex. Meanwhile, down below in the squad room, another drama was unfolding. Kathy Stabler was arguing with Fin, Munch and Cragen. "I want to see her now!"

"Look Kathy," Cragen said, fighting to keep his voice level, "you are gonna have to calm down or we are gonna have to escort you out of here."

She laughed hysterically. "Escort me out?" she asked in disbelief. "You would protect that whoring bitch? She can't hide from me."

Cragen was flabbergasted. Elliot was out for the day on a detail with the Bronx D.A., so he wasn't quite sure what to do with his wife. "Maybe I should call Elliot-"

"I don't want Elliot, I want to see Olivia," she said with clenched teeth.

"May I ask why?" Cragen asked.

"Why certainly," she hissed. "I want to ask her all about how she's been fucking my husband!"

Fin, Munch and Cragen jumped in surprise. "You serious?" Fin asked her.

Cragen looked at the two detectives for help, but they were looking at Kathy in shock. "Kathy…I don't where you got that idea… but it can't be true...I'm sure this is some sort of misunderstanding…"

"Oh no?" she asked sarcastically. She flung a manila envelope at him. "Take a look Captain."

Cragen fumbled with the envelope, but managed to grasp it. Flipping it open, he pulled out a stack of black and white photographs. His eyes widened in disbelief as he saw Benson and Stabler in one compromising position after another as he thumbed through the pics. Munch tried to sneak a peek, but Cragen was too fast for him. He slipped the photos back in the envelope.

"Kathy, why don't we go in my office," he invited, motioning her to follow him.

"What's on the photos?" Fin asked, after the duo were out of earshot.

"I don't know, I couldn't see, but damn…must be something incriminating."

In Cragen's office, he offered Kathy a seat.

"No," she snapped. "What are you going to do about this?"

"I need to talk to both Olivia and Elliot before any other steps are taken," he said cautiously.

"Like what?"

"Well…for starters they would be assigned new partners."

"Good," Kathy said, "and I want her out of this precinct and away from my husband.'

"I have to talk to them first," he reiterated. "But right now, I can't allow you to see Detective Benson. Please go home and I will handle things from this end. I'll need to keep the photos."

Kathy started to protest, but thought better of it. "Fine," she said in resignation. "Thank you Captain Cragen."

He nodded with difficulty. "I'll show you out."

Olivia bounded down the stairs. She felt marginally better after talking to Alex, but she couldn't help thinking the whole situation might be a bit too dramatic for her. Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw Munch walking quickly over to her.

"Liv, go back upstairs I need to talk to you," he said in a low voice, blocking her way.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.

"You! Get over here!"

Olivia turned towards the shrieking voice and saw Kathy Stabler running over to her. Fin intersected her before she got too close to John.

Enraged, Kathy lunged at her, Fin grabbing her before she could connect. "You bitch! You lying, cheating bitch."

Olivia stunned, just stood there frozen. "You've been fucking my husband you whore," Kathy screamed uncontrollably. "You ruined our family. Are you happy? Are you fucking happy?"

"Olivia, go upstairs and wait for me," Cragen yelled angrily. Fin and he pulled Kathy away towards the front of the squad.

Numbly, Olivia went back to the crib, John following behind. She collapsed onto one of the beds in complete shock.

"Olivia, what the hell is the matter with you? You and Elliot?"

Olivia didn't know what to do. First instinct was to deny, deny, deny. "I…I don't know what you are talking about," she whispered.

John shook his head. "Yes you do, don't pull that crap," he said angrily. "She's got photos Liv."

Olivia looked up at him, realization dawning. Photos. The man in the car. Kathy had hired someone to tail her husband. Olivia felt her world caving in at that very moment.

"Munch out!" Cragen yelled. Obediently, John turned to leave, throwing Olivia one last stern look.

"What the hell were you thinking? What the hell were both of you thinking?"

"I can explain…"

"Explain this," he said, handing her the envelope. With shaking hands Olivia surveyed the contents.

"Oh my God," she whispered. They were in her apartment, in bed. On a street corner. At the corner deli. In the sedan.

"Are you admitting to these allegations Olivia," Cragen asked.

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" she asked tearfully.

"Not really," he snapped. "As of this minute you are suspended until further notice. Get your stuff and leave."

XXXXXXX


	13. Lies and Truth

CHAPTER 13

Lies 

Elliot was exhausted. He had spent the better part of the day on a stakeout for an ex-con suspected of raping his thirteen-year-old stepdaughter and her friend. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed and pull the covers over his head until he had to stumble to work the next day.

He unlocked the front door and stepped in. The quiet and darkness hit him like a brick wall. It was only nine o'clock, his brood should have still been up roaming around. He flipped on a couple of lights and wandered into the kitchen.

Kathy was sitting at the table, waiting for him. The look in her eyes stopped him dead cold. He didn't even have to ask. He just knew. There weren't very many things he could have done to her to cause so much anguish, so much pain.

He sat down opposite from her and remained silent. This was her show, let her handle it the way that she wanted to.

"How long?" she croaked in a whisper. She pushed back her hair with her left hand. Her wedding ring was noticeably absent.

Elliot eyes started to well up with tears. "A few months," he whispered back.

Kathy let her own tears spill over. "I gave you everything Elliot Stabler…my life, my devotion, my love, my children…"

"I know Kathy, I know…"

"I stood by you when this job took you away from us, changed you, made you unrecognizable," she continued, her eyes wandering off. "All I asked is that you continued to love us. That's all I asked."

"Kathy," he blurted, reaching out for her hand. She didn't pull away. "I do love you, I love this family…"

"No you don't Elliot…don't lie to me…I can't take any more lies…"

Elliot was helpless. "I'm not lying…I just…there is nothing I can say to excuse what I have done to you Kathy. What I have done to our family."

Kathy started to tremble. "This isn't…this isn't a 'thing' is it?"

Elliot looked deeply into her eyes. "…No. It's not just a thing."

Kathy's faced crumbled. Elliot sat there with her and held her hand while she wept, mourning over all that was lost and could never be replaced.

XXXXXXXX

Alex opened the door slowly. Olivia was beyond upset and had begged Alex to let her come by and cry on her shoulder. She hadn't told Alex the whole story on the phone and she knew that she couldn't. She just needed someone to lean on, someone to calm her fears.

"Hey," Olivia said breathlessly. "Thank you Alex for letting me swing by."

Alex nodded. "Sure," she said simply. She stood aside so Olivia could enter the apartment. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked politely.

Olivia paused. Alex was playing it very cool. "Are…ummm…I thought you said your parents were out?"

"They are."

"Oh…" They stood there staring at each other. Olivia broke the silence first. "Is everything alright Alex?"

"What happened at work today, Olivia?" she answered with her own question.

Olivia expelled a breath. "I've been suspended until further notice…a suspect made an allegation against me."

Alex crossed her arms. "A suspect huh?" Alex leaned against the end table. "Well, that's very interesting…sounds like there were a lot of allegations flying around the SVU today."

Olivia froze in disbelief. "What? What are you talking about?"

Alex smiled humorously. "Let me tell you what I heard," she said pushing off the table. She started to pace as she ticked off the facts. "You remember Alexandra Borgia in Major Cases? No? Well, she took over after Southerlyn was canned. Anyway, she is working on a case that brought her to the Special Victims Unit today."

Olivia's blood ran cold. Alex continued. "You'll never believe what she told me when I ran into her at lunch. Some woman came in ranting and raving about how one of the detectives was sleeping with her husband, who is also a detective. When Captain Cragen questioned her accuracy, she produced photos. Can you believe that? Caught her man red handed!"

"But, this is the best part," Alex continued, raising her voice and stepping up to Olivia. "The woman, this detective that had been sleeping with her husband was actually in the squad room. Apparently her husband and the female detective are partners. They had to restrain the wife before she attacked her. Can you believe that Olivia? How dramatic is that?"

Olivia eyes started to tear. "Alex," she said reaching for her.

Alex stepped back, out of reach. "You lied to me, Olivia, and I was stupid enough to go along with your deception."

"I…"

"Are you that starved for attention that you have to pretend to like women?" Alex incredulously.

"No, Alex," Olivia said, shaking her head violently. "I never told you I liked women, I just like being with you!"

"Bullshit," Alex screamed. "It was obvious from day one that you were into Elliot Stabler! It just never occurred to me that you would actually consummate a relationship with him!"

"I love you both!" Olivia cried. "I don't know how, I don't know why, but I love you both!"

"You obviously don't know what love is! I know it's not easy to be with me, with my fears and such," she said, seething, "but that doesn't give you the right to cheat on me. With a man no less! I want and need a lesbian, someone who can understand me, relate to me, not some greedy whore!"

"Excuse me!" A booming voice exclaimed.

Alex and Olivia whirled around. George and Louise stood in the doorway, comical looks on their faces. "You want a what!" George roared.

Olivia stepped up. "A lesbian," she said in a level voice. "She wants a lesbian, like her."

"Oh my…" Louise gasped, grabbing her cheeks. "Alexandra!" Her father's face flushed a bright red.

Olivia looked over her shoulder at Alex, who looked as if she could literally kill her.

"I can understand if you don't want to be with me Alex," Olivia said calmly. "I hurt you and I am sorry. But I care about you, love you, and this is the best thing I could have ever done for you."

"I hate you," Alex whispered. Olivia nodded her head wearily and walked out of the apartment.

XXXXXXXXX


	14. All's Fair in Love and War

Okay, I'm back thanks to DramaSVU. I'll try to get this damn story finished!

CHAPTER 14

All's Fair in Love in War 

72 hours.

Olivia was lying down on her bed staring at the ceiling. She didn't know how long she had been there, she didn't really care either way.

72 hours.

She lay naked except for a towel. She thought a warm shower would wash away the ugliness of late. Needless to say it failed. A half a bottle of Skyy vodka sat on the night table next to her. That had failed too.

72 hours. My life is completely ruined and it only took 72 hours, she thought. She heard knocking at the door. She closed her eyes, willing it to go away. The sound was more insistent now. Groaning, she slunk off the bed, pulling the towel around her.

"Who is it?" she croaked

"Elliot."

Olivia mashed the palm of her hand into her forehead. She was too drunk for this. Struggling with the locks, she finally got the door open.

"Can I come in?"

"No," she replied, both of them knowing she didn't mean it. He followed her into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. "What the hell do you want?"

Elliot laughed harshly. Shaking his head, he sat down on the arm of her couch. He looked haggard and worn and Olivia thought he couldn't be getting much sleep.

"Where are you sleeping?" Olivia asked in a slurred voice.

"My house…Kathy took the kids to her mother's," he replied, catching on to her state.

"You might want to ask for a refund on that bed of yours, you look like shit." Olivia shrugged and plopped down on the couch next to him.

"How long you been drinking?" he asked.

"I've been drinking?" she asked, feigning surprise.

"We'll be alright Olivia," he assured her. "The captain has to take a hard line with this, but he knows we're good cops. We would never let anything get in the way of our jobs, our duties."

Olivia shrugged again, not really giving a shit. Elliot pushed off the couch and headed into the kitchen to make tea, Olivia following at a slower pace. She watched him silently, animosity growing in the pit of her stomach."

"You know what I absolutely hate about you?"

Elliot glanced back at her as he filled the teakettle with water. "What exactly?"

"Your fucking devotion. You are so fucking devoted. To your wife, your kids, your faith, the job…just so fucking devoted," she complained, hand on her hip. "But me? Oh noooooooo, no devotion to me. I'm expendable, I'm trash you can just wad up and throw away…"

He was silent during her tirade, instead busily searching the refrigerator for something edible. Finding a block of cheddar cheese, he pulled it out and grabbed crackers from the cupboard. "You need to eat…when was the last time you went grocery shopping?"

"You're devoted to everyone but me," she said petulantly, accepting his offer with unsteady hands. Smacking unlady like on the cheese, she headed into the bedroom to find her bottle to wash it down. Her towel was clinging desperately to her frame, dangerously close to slipping off. Olivia was oblivious as she took a swig of the acrid liquid.

"That's enough," Elliot said sternly, snatching the bottle away from her lips. Olivia stumbled with the force, highly irritated.

"You can't tell me what to do, I'm not one of your damn kids," she snapped. "What are you doing here, anyway? What do you want?"

Elliot dodged the question for the moment. "Where's Alex, Liv? Does she know…"

Olivia giggled. "Ohhhh, yes," she hissed, "Alex knows allllll about it. And she left me. Just like you, she left me. What is up with that? Why do I always find the people who never stay with me? Am I that fucking horrible? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says 'Fuck me, then leave me?'" She was screaming now, her arms flailing widly, the towel slipping off to the floor.

Elliot grabbed her arms to keep her from striking him "I didn't exactly leave you," he began.

"Oh no? Well then where the hell have you been the past few days? I'm about to lose my job, Alex hates me, people are talking about me and you are nowhere to be found!" She struggled to get away, but his grip was too strong.

"We have to keep a low profile," he said reasonably, trying to catch her eye. "But I missed you, that's why I'm here."

"Well this is a sight you don't see everyday."

The duo whirled around to find Alex standing in the front of Olivia's bedroom. "Don't let me interrupt," she said flatly, turning away.

"Alex, wait," Olivia called, squirming away from Elliot. She caught her arm. "What…what happened with your parents?"

Alex tried hard to ignore the fact that she had preempted a love act between her girlfriend and her male lover. "They left," she said shortly, keeping her gaze away from Elliot who was glaring at her. "And I don't know the next time I will see them again because my father told me never to contact him again. But that's…not your fault Olivia. I guess…I don't know why I'm here, I just felt like we left things un-ended."

"Really? Because I remember you breaking up with me."

The three of them stood there, awkwardly. Elliot reached down and picked up the hapless towel and handed it to Olivia, who absentmindedly wrapped it around her. "Now what?" she asked.

"Now, I think it's time for Alex to leave," Elliot answered.

Alex squared her shoulders. "Don't you have, oh I don't know, a family to tend to?"

"They left him," Olivia offered in a stage whisper.

"Isn't the XL Lounge having Lesbian night tonight?" he shot back.

Alex reddened. "My personal life is none of your damn business."

"It is when you drag Olivia into it," he said, stepping closer to the two women. Olivia swiveled her head between the two, eyes wide.

"I didn't 'drag' anyone into anything," she protested. "Olivia is simply getting to know a new and exciting part of herself, something she shouldn't be afraid of exploring, nor should she feel ashamed of."

"Yeah, because that makes so much sense coming from a 'closet' lesbian," Elliot said, sarcastically. "Maybe you should try following your own advice."

"He's got you on that one," Olivia threw in.

"Maybe if it weren't for narrow-minded, judgmental individuals like yourself, it wouldn't be so difficult for me to do."

"Oh, so somehow your self-hate is my fault?" he laughed incredulously.

"Listen," she said, trying to be reasonable. "I understand the relationship the two of you have on the job. It's perfectly natural for you to transfer those feelings and think that you are in love with her. Hell, if I spent as much time together as you two do, I might think I was head over heels too. But what you are doing to her is not fair. Leading her on like this is out of line and she deserves better than that from you."

Elliot took a step closer. "You think I am 'leading' her on? Counselor you don't know a damn thing about me or about how I feel about this woman," he said in a dangerously quiet tone. "What is wrong, is you capitalizing on her issues with intimacy and commitment and trust. She's the perfect girlfriend. You'll be so caught up in her misery that you won't have to face the fact that you are miserable."

"I have to pee."

Startled by her absurd comment, Elliot and Alex just looked at her. Olivia shrugged. "I can't leave you two alone, what if you wreck my apartment or something?" she whined.

Alex turned back to Elliot. "This is not over Elliot. If you think I'm not fighting for what's rightfully mine then you don't know me very well. You'll find that I am a formidable opponent." And with that, she took her leave.


	15. Desperation

Alright, short chapter but we are nearing the end here. Time for Olivia to make a damn decision!

CHAPTER 15

Desperation

"I need help doctor."

Dr. Huang smiled benignly. "Okay. Lie on the couch."

Olivia smiled ruefully. "I'm serious," she whined.

"So am I," he insisted. "I can imagine you've been under a lot of stress lately Olivia."

Olivia paused after taking her seat. Her personal life was still a hot topic in the precinct and even after all this time, she wasn't getting used to it. She and Elliot were back on the squad, but they had swapped partners via Cragen's commands. She was teamed up with Munch, Elliot with Fin. Olivia was grateful, because it still allowed her to see Elliot everyday even if it meant they no longer had much alone time on the job.

"So, what would you like to talk about?"

Olivia still hesitated. "This is confidential correct?"

Huang smiled again. "Of course, you know the drill."

"I've gotten into a bit of trouble with Elliot, as I'm sure you've heard."

Huang leaned back in his chair. "Is that what you want to talk about Olivia?"

"Somewhat," she hedged. "…It's bigger than that though."

"Are you still pursuing a relationship with him?"

Olivia crossed her legs. "Yes," she said firmly.

"So…what is the issue?"

"There is someone else."

Huang nodded slowly. "And you are worried about how this other relationship will affect you and Elliot."

Olivia sighed, tired of her own cat and mouse game. She explained to Huang her turbulent relationship for the past seven months with Elliot and Alex. Olivia was amazed at Huang's ability to control his emotions and keep his face impassive.

"In other words, they are fighting over me," she said in conclusion.

"Do you feel that is right, Olivia?" he asked. "Does it excite you that they are both vying for your affections?"

"I guess," she shrugged, tapping her fingers on the arm of the chair.

Huang tried a different tact. "How would you feel if they both decided today that you weren't worth the trouble?"

Olivia chewed her lip thoughtfully. "I've never had someone…desire me in such a way. It's a new feeling and I like it. Why shouldn't I be someone worth fighting for?" she asked indignantly.

"But both have…other circumstances that make being with you a difficult choice," he pointed out.

"Well, yeah. Elliot is –was- is married and Alex was in the closet."

"And how do you feel about that? How do you feel about the fact that they both sacrificed something to be with you?"

Olivia could see where the doctor was going with this and she didn't like it one bit. "So what?" she snapped. "I didn't force anyone."

Huang smiled benignly. "Olivia, I think you need to make a decision. Both are giving up their way of life for you. While it is their decision to do so, you need to be fair and not put them through this."

"I can't make a decision," she said helplessly, "I can't let them both go."

"You mean you can't let the attention that both of them give you go."

"No I can't, I'm so tired of being alone, I'm so tired of being expendable," she said. She was angry. Angry with the situation and angry with Huang for being right.

"How important is the sexual aspect of the relationships?" Huang asked abrubtly.

Olivia, caught off guard, sputtered to a stop. "Well…it's very important. I mean it's obviously very different with both of them, but it's very good." She couldn't believe she was talking to one of her colleagues about her sex life, doc or no doc. "I can't get enough of either of them."

"Has sex always carried such weight with you?"

Olivia nodded. "Of course. That's how I show…my affection. Show that I care about someone more than just platonically."

"Why?" Huang inquired.

"What do you mean why?"

"You could always just _tell them_ that you loved them."

"Words don't mean shit Huang." Olivia said bitterly.

"They don't?"

"No, they don't," Olivia jumped out of her seat and started to pace the room. "My mother never told me. You have to show someone."

"So…how did your mother show you?"

Olivia turned to face him. "She never did."

Huang nodded and checked his watch. "I have another appointment," he announced, standing up from his chair. "But I want you to do something for me tonight. On a piece of paper, I want you to jot down the response to this question: If you were to take away the sexual relationship with both Elliot and Alex, what would you have left?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX


	16. Moment of Truth

Woo-Hoo! Another story in the bag. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the story and read it. And thanks so much for your patience as I started to lag there at the end. I'm already formulating a concept for my next story so be sure to look for that. Enjoy and Thanks!

CHAPTER 16

Moment of Truth 

"Where is she?"

Elliot looked up from the DD-5 he was working on. He treated Alex to his signature cocked eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing."

Alex struggled to control her frustration. Elliot could be a stubborn son of a bitch when he wanted to be, so if she wanted to get any information out of him she was going to have to play nice. "Is there somewhere we can go…for some privacy?"

Elliot tossed his pen onto the desk and motioned Alex to follow him. He lead her to the roof, where the wind was kicking up a bit. Alex couldn't help thinking this is where it had started with her and Olivia, a fateful kiss that brought her here with this man.

"I don't know where Liv is Alex," Elliot said, finally speaking. He leaned against the wall. "She took indefinite personal leave."

Alex sighed, letting her frustration loose. "She isn't at her apartment, she's not answering her phone calls, emails, nothing. It's like she dropped off the face of the earth."

"She told the captain she needed some time away," Elliot supplied, "I just don't know where."

"I wonder what it is she needed 'time away' from?"

"Us," Elliot said matter of factly. "How long did you think this was going to last Alex?"

Alex studied him. Before she had cultivated a relationship with Olivia, she had fostered no ill will towards this man. Sure, she thought he was at times very stubborn and somewhat overly aggressive with a penchant for breaking the rules, but she respected him because he was a good cop. But a certain woman loved him and it created such hate inside her of for Elliot Stabler. She wasn't proud of it, but Alex just hated losing.

"You sound so sure of yourself," she said bitterly. "I told you not to count me out of this Stabler."

Elliot sighed. "I'm not," he said quietly. "Believe it or not Alex, this isn't personal. I just want to be with Olivia. And if you get in the way of that, then fine. I won't force her to make a decision and I won't hold it against you if she doesn't choose me. I just want her to be happy…for once in her life I want her to experience true happiness."

"Do you think she would be happier with you?" she asked him honestly.

"Who's to know? All I can do is just love her unconditionally and hope that it is enough."

Alex took a deep breath and gazed out into the skyline. "I knew I was different from a very young age, Elliot," she began. "I've had a healthy number of relationships in the past, so love is not new to me. But this, what I have with Olivia, is so very different than anything I have ever experienced. Even with my ex Pam, I thought she was the one…then I got involved with Olivia." Tears were making a trail down her face, but she didn't notice. "Olivia is like air…I need her Elliot. I need her to sustain me."

Elliot was silent until Alex composed herself. He knew she had just shared a very personal moment with him and he understood how she felt more than anyone ever could.

"Alex, one of us is going to get hurt in this, as much as I hate it for both of us. But that's just the way it has to be. But if we love her the way that we say we do, we'll support her in whatever decision she decides to make."

Alex nodded her head. He was right. It didn't make it any less painful, but he was right.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia stepped out of the cab and into the fresh, crisp air. She was in Battery Park, ready to start her Saturday morning jog before her meeting. She had been back in the city for two days now, tan from her time in St. Thomas. She needed to be in a tropical, neutral location, a place where she could do a lot of self-reflection and detoxification.

_One, two, one, two, one, two, one…_While away, she had decided what she had to do with the love triangle that was her, Elliot and Alex. And refreshingly, she had discovered it was what she wanted to do, had wanted to do since the beginning. Huang was right – Olivia had loved the attention, sexual and romantic. A deep sense of ego propelled her to sustain relationships with both Alex and Elliot, a selfish need that she had to fulfill.

_One, two, one, two, one, two, one…_Olivia felt the blood rush through her veins. She loved them both, she knew that. Nothing would ever change that. But there was only one individual that she was _in_ love with and always had been, one that she could see a future with and would love her through the good and the bad, through all her faults and attributes.

_One, two, one, two…_Olivia was nearing the meeting place. When she had arrived back at her apartment, she had discovered some information that both surprised and overwhelmed her. She took it as a sign that she had made the right decision about Elliot and Alex.

"Hey, gorgeous."

Alex looked up. Her beautiful Olivia was smiling brightly. She had missed her dearly and was delighted, relieved and anxious all rolled into one when Olivia had phoned her last night and requested she meet her in the park. Olivia plopped down on the bench, a feeling of déjà vu accosting Alex's senses.

"I missed you Olivia," Alex said softly, drinking in Olivia's warm brown eyes.

Olivia smiled. "I missed you too, Alex. Thank you for meeting with me."

"Of course," she answered, taking Olivia's hand. "I guess we have a lot to talk about."

Olivia nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. "First, I just wanted to apologize for all of the hurt and misery I caused you over the last year. I … I have some things that I need to work out, things that I didn't notice at the time about myself, but I'm going to fix them."

"You're perfect Olivia," Alex said, but Olivia waived her off.

"No," she said firmly. "What I did to you was unacceptable. I should have been honest. I had no right to drag you into some torrid love triangle."

"I've learned so much from you Alex," she continued, squeezing the woman's hands. "Stuff about myself, and stuff about other people. You are my dearest and loveliest friend and I want to thank you for all you've done for me."

Alex eyes started to tear as she let the words sink in. "You're leaving me aren't you?" she choked.

Olivia bit her lip, her own tears falling. "Yes, Alex, I'm leaving you."

They sat there like that, both trying desperately to grip onto something that was already slipping out of their reach.

"Oh Olivia," Alex said painfully, "…What am I going to do without you?"

"I'm always going to be here for you Alex, you will always be my best friend," she said fiercely, forcing the blonde woman to look her in the eyes. "Nothing will ever change that. But what I have for Elliot…I fell in love with Elliot the first time I met him. Sure, I didn't know it at the time, but we share a chemistry that is amazing, beautiful and so pure. He would die for me and I for him. I can't deny this love for him, no matter how hard I try. I don't know what is going to happen with his family, hell I don't even know if he will ever leave his wife for me. But it's a sacrifice that I'm willing to take to be with the one I know I was meant to be with."

Alex listened silently. She was tearing apart inside, but Olivia's words rang with such sincerity, that she couldn't help but feel happy for her. Elliot was right. If she truly loved Olivia, she would love her enough to let her go. She could never hate this woman, no matter how hard she tried.

"I have to have you in my life, Olivia and if it's just for friendship than I will take it," she said firmly.

Olivia smiled brightly. "It's for more than that," she said. She took Alex's hand and placed it on her stomach. "I want you to be my baby's Godmother."

Alex gasped. "You're…you're pregnant?" she asked in disbelief. "Does…does Elliot know?"

"No," Olivia said laughing, voice full of joy. "I haven't told him yet. I'm so scared! I'm not quite sure how he is going to take it."

Alex cradled Olivia's face between her hands. "He'll feel so blessed," she said firmly. "And yes, I will be your baby's Godmother."

Olivia smiled and touched her forehead to Alex's, so grateful to have such a wonderful woman in her life.

"Come on," Alex said, standing up. She extended her hand to Olivia. "Let's go tell Papa the good news."

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End file.
